Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Wosh! I'm back from the 5.6km JP Morgan race! How scary it is to run 5.6km when i can't even run 2.4km... But somehow i've made it! Nah, not non-stop but i'm sure i ran like 3 quarter of it though.
To be honest, there was a mmt of feeling "high" when i ran just now, it's really amazing cos at tt particular mmt, my mind juz blanked out & I juz ran effortlessly! No worries, no nothing! Cool right? I've come to realised tt mental strength comes before physical and sure enuff i had enjoyed myself, (JC, Thank you for psychoing me to join, u noe who u r...)
Aft the run, I had dinner at Lau Pa Sat... chit chatting and abit of bitching, it's hard not to, since it's part of my life now hoho! Well, at the same time i'm feeling sian abt my new running shoes! Cos it's covered w the stinko mud & I really hate it!
Hmmm, as for now I'm still pretty awake & alert although i shld be slping plus i got to wk tml! Seriously, i'm still hyper nw, not sure if it's due to the teh tarik i had during dinner or the 30mins bath i just had. Haha! Waste water right? Can't help it! I stinked like a pig man! Somemore, i diligently scrubbed my new shoes w all my might to get rid of those mud leh! Argh! Still have to wk so hard at this time of the day... ...
Ah well, i'll try to get some slp and reserve some energy for the coming LONG wkend.

gecko85 obsessed with Jay Chou (>,<) Wednesday, April 26, 2006
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Sunday, April 23, 2006

Hey! I'm here today with a very obvious purpose.
To b*tch, ya...
I'm in the kinda b*tchy mood, as usual bcos of the irritating b*tch.
Unlike last time, whenever i thought of or saw her i felt the fear coming from within. Now, i can't seem to wait for a chance to bloody slap her bloody face. Wahaha! Evil smile... I really buay tahan her sickening attitude and the slap-me-black face of hers. My fingers are as itchy as those times when ppl itch to play mahjong, you get what i mean?
Yes, that a**h*le probably think that i'm a sucker for everything, obviously she hasn't seen me flare up before. Don't make me do that, i really "begged" her for that... Come on lah, i'm suppose to uphold a very kind, understanding, "cute", obliging and courteous image alright. I don't wanna lose that image cos of her. But on second thoughts, prob all ppl ard me didn't wanna lose their image too that's why no one dares to go against her. Tsk tsk tsk... Actually look at this prob objectively and logically, to keep your cool only when the person is worth the effort. Not for those d*mn bloody f***ing a**h*le who is not worth that slightlest effort at all. She really needs a thrashing. If i can ever do what i want, i'll slap her left right center, punch her bloody nose, pull her hair, pluck off all her teeth, dig out both her eyes, give her a d*mn big ear hole, some pernament scratches on her face, peel off all her nails, make her kneel on durians, eat loads of wasabi til she dehydrates herself crying and throw her into the sewage and flush her down the pipes and make sure she's out of my sight forever.
Let me say this the last time.
I HATE HER.

gecko85 obsessed with Jay Chou (>,<) Sunday, April 23, 2006
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Friday, April 21, 2006

Suddenly, my mind seems to understand something that I've been trying to understand... ( Sorry guys, just a sudden thought haha! it's ok tt u don't understand)
Well, my life has so far been enjoyable except the mmt i thought of my work and that person.
There's a little progress in trying not to be affected by that person. Wish myself all the best! Life still has to go on.
Well, today i dun wanna b*tch about anyone, cos i probably will go on non-stop.
Currently, all i can think of is vacation! The June holidays are coming, that really urge me to take a break, but it's not the best time to go also leh! If i want a break, i don't wanna squeeze with the crowd so... probably choose a quieter time to go though.
Trying to bring about changes in my life all these while, i sort of complicate myself by doing that. Can't help it, but i always ask myself, what am i trying to change? And for what purpose?
Apparently, you can say that i'm not contented with my life yet. I've always think that life is short and on top of that mine is extremely boring. Just want to be more exposed to things that are new, interesting and extraordinary. Nah! not the kind like go chiong at MOS at least once a mth, go get myself a tatoo, dye my hair white or eat some weird food. Just something tsk you know, that makes you FEEL different, not exactly LOOK different.
Alright, you can relate this kinda feeling by imagining me, a beggar, trying to think of creative ways to beg, finding myself a different roof each day, drinking water from all sources i can find (xcept toilet) and eat ahem, of course edible food but from left overs of different restaurants. What i need is a breakthrough. So far, it's really hard for me to explain the purpose of it and make my friends understand this mentality of mine. Haiz... Sad.
Immediately aft the long wkend last wk, i started to think about the next long wkend hahaha! Ya, can't stop fantasizing. Tsk tsk tsk don't know what to do abt it yet but i'll do something abt it... ...

gecko85 obsessed with Jay Chou (>,<) Friday, April 21, 2006
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Thursday, April 06, 2006

Yup! It's been a super duper long time since i last updated this blog.
All I know is that, everytime when i decided to share my views here, i've learnt something in life. I'm the sort who appreciates every mmt of my life. Unfortunately, i can make plans for it and yet not accomplishing it. Well, silly you may call me but i strongly believe that having some plans and hopes in life keeps me going.
That's why I just don't undestand why some people could bear grudges and live on as though the entire world had done them wrong. What's the point of keeping all the negative feelings and live with a hell lots of vengence?
Why am I talking about these? Ok, it all originates from this person i knew and has been giving me headaches and stress all these while. I once hated this person for all the unnecessary pain and torture that i failed to tackle with and allowed my life to go downhill while tt person live on like a king. Very often i confronted my friends and soulmates how miserable i felt and the fear i lived in everyday that i'll accidentally unknowingly provoked a giant at slp. Time and time again, i couldn't walk out of misery and fear. My life was really upside down, nothing could lift up my spirits.
Almost forgot, I must introduce this fella to you guys before i proceed on. I must say this person is a very unhappy person (as this person nvr smiles, black face is all you'll see), probably one with high expectations in life/work, unable to accept imperfections, unwilling to associate with ppl whom was considered to be the "inferior" and having the misconceptions of being the most capable and perfect being. With all these, you can imagine why this person is such a pain in the a**. With all these, arrogance comes into picture. With arrogance, ppl like me are often picked on like suckers, so much so tt I begin to suspect my own capabilities and gradually lose all of my confidence and esteem. I became very submissive to all the person's unreasonable orders, expectations and requirements. Yea, a puppet. No, i didn't flare up or stood up to defend myself, neither did i think of giving up so i let things pass on ... ...
As time ticks by, the stress accumulates and finally affected my health and being. There were achings on my shoulders and affected my slp, i couldn't have peace when i slp and woke up the next day in fear of starting the brand new day. I have muscles tensions everywhere!!!
All the misery ended when someone i met a few days ago, helped me by massaging the tensed muscles over my shoulders, well i was asked why i had to sacrifice my body for someone like that? I had two choice, to change my mindset of that person (not to be affected) or just give up. This person who gives me hell probably has no confidence and was only faking it all the while to hide those imperfections, at the same time being unhappy all the time is because this person just couldn't take things the way it is!! It's just signs of being weak isn't so?
Sympathy is the word to describe my feelings towards this human being. One who take things so hard will never learn to let go and be happy. High expectations doesn't guarantee satisfaction. Remember, if you are unhappy it affects ppl ard you. All of us shld noe this by now, we don't have to face ppl/ friends with a gloomy face and make them unhappy. If you are unhappy and wanna showcase your bl**dy black face, i can BOLDLY say this, keep yourself at home.
At last, i've managed to walk out of my fears and live on like i used to be. I'm still adjusting so... i hope i'll make it.

gecko85 obsessed with Jay Chou (>,<) Thursday, April 06, 2006
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