I believe tt some days in your life, you think alot & some days you just take whatever comes along your way. Thinking is a process in life which makes one grow, develop & more conscious abt what you will & are going through. What triggers it can be anyone or anything of any form at any point of time.
Today is the day when i think alot abt life. Not my life, not abt the way i shld live my life, but life in general. No matter what religion or beliefs we have, there'll come a time when we have to go through e 4 basic phrases of life. Birth, Aging, Ill & Death.
I shall focus on Death for now.
"He glanced at me w his fragile eyes when i 1st looked at him. Does he still remember me? I wondered. I wanted to ask if he's feeling ok. But i didn't, not sure if i didn't dare to. At e same time, my defiant mind was banging, opposing my mouth, "Speak up you idiot! This is the last chance!." My mind was defeated, I decided 2 leave e talking 2 those ard me. I just couldn't force myself and wished tt i could telepath to him. For e very 1st time in my life, i felt tt communication was beyond my ability. I nvr felt so reluctant 2 speak my mind.
Why?? I'm so afraid. I'm afraid tt i would break down & cry showing my inner self, i'm such a timid idiot.
He forced himself to speak and nothing but sounds of exhaustion coughed through his teethless mouth. I realised tt he took plenty of effort to even open his mouth. He will nvr again be able to talk to us" I thought.
I could do nothing but allow myself to reminisce those happy mmts few mths ago.
It was CNY, he visited us. He was so healthy back then, i didn't talk much to him & vice versa. It was the language problem. But i'm sure if i could speak tt tougue, we have lots to share. It was just another CNY like before.
Now, he almost like a full scale skeleton lying lifeless on e solemn bed, w all e tubings going through his nose, hands & waist. Seeing all e bruises on both bony arms caused by venipuncture hurts my heart. How much more pain does he has to go through??? Even now if i opened my mouth to speak to him and forget abt e embarrassement of speaking inaccurate Canto , he'll not be able to reply me already. If you really have something to tell anyone, tell him NOW. You'll nvr know when you'll forever lose the chance to do it.
I couldn't stand it, i have no guts 2C him in tt state. But i knew this could be e last chance. I hid my tears, forcing myself 2 look away while i dry them. I thought i was strong but i was weak. I wasn't sure how i shld react, i was trying 2B myself & at e same time cover myself. Too much thoughts, too much emotions, all piercing towards me. I've lost all defence & I'm falling rapidly under. I've lost my arms 2 reach out n all means 2 get up again. I'm buried alive.
We were told 2 prepared 4 e worst. It can be any time nw. If i could drag my every sec 2 extend his life, i would. Beyond that, I don't know, i really don't know, pls save him................"

gecko85 obsessed with Jay Chou (>,<) Saturday, May 28, 2005

Guess what...
I'm so happy!!
Don't really know why, i'm just feeling happy. Seems like at this mmt of my life, nothing can make me sad. Hahaha!! I think i siao already but I'm really really very the happy!
This is an undescrible feeling, which just comes from the bottom of my heart.
I'm soooooooooooooooooooooo happy....
Hope this mmt will nvr end...........................................................................................................

gecko85 obsessed with Jay Chou (>,<) Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Hey guys! I'm back after 4 days, this is a slight improvement haha!
Meanwhile i'm waiting for my friend to finish her things before we make our way to our jie mei's birthday!! Ha!
Happy Birthday Gal!
"Whoa! Why is tt girl not here yet! I'm bored stiff & we are really running late! Pls come quick!"

gecko85 obsessed with Jay Chou (>,<) Friday, May 13, 2005

Why am I here today?
I don't know. Act I came online only with the intention to read my friend's blog.
Ya right, just another kill time tactic... I'm very sleepy nw but I don't wanna slp yet. (Trance state)
I have nothing to talk abt today. I seemed to have made up my mind on something tt i've been bothering abt. But seriously, although it's disturbing, i don't know what it's all abt.
I want to be someone else.
Honestly i'm tired. I'm really tired. Really really really tired. Please let me slp, let me dream, let me fly, fly away from here to a dimension where everything's infinite & plenty of air to breathe. I'm suffoocating... Let me go.

gecko85 obsessed with Jay Chou (>,<) Monday, May 09, 2005

gecko85 obsessed with Jay Chou (>,<) Saturday, May 07, 2005