This is for 15/01/06. Aft much thoughts and courage, i'm finally able to voice out. Aft babbling abt how happy i was last sat, i went off to bed and had sweet dreams. I felt so pleasant until the next morning when CW flooded my hp with smses. When i saw the smses the next morning at 10am, i wondered y would someone be looking for me so urgently... As usual, i read them at chronological order. 01:41:42=LATEST update! hey gals he's heart suddenly stopped and is in icu ward?? now. I don't know the bed no, but you can check with the nurses there. I'd would be goingdown tml morning. 02:14:57=Hi gals, sorry i'm going down now. My friend told me to hurry up. i'll let the both of you the latest news. 02:53:16= CJ passed away at 2.44am The last sms was sent twice in fear that i'll miss it. Ever since the day when i knew abt this friend of mine who was diagnosed with Leukaemia, he has been fighting against it courageously for 1 yr already. As his friend i felt disappointed that i only knew abt it aft so long. It's been 2 wks since i last visited him when i heard tt the doc says tat he has the most 2 wks... I was dying to visit him, no one could have stopped me then. He looked normal and cheerful. The more he look indifferent, the more it hurts my heart. Who doesn't knows it's just an act? He talked abt the BMT he's gonna have the following week from his bro whom the doctor suggested and all of us thought is a chance worth taking. We thought everything's going to turn out just fine. (Just like in dramas.) On the very day he was supposed to go for the transplant, he had some complications which delayed the opt. The doctors tried their best to rescue him but after several hours of resuscitation, my friend chose to leave. It's been hard on him. He has been brave all these years fighting his illness and we really hope that he'll get well one day. But that day never came. On the day of his funeral, I tried to contact as many other friends as possible, they are those whom i've not seen them for almost 8 years!! I'm really touched by a few who came although they didn't quite remember who CJ was... It's lame but how many friends would do tat? It's a funeral, and it's also a reunion. If he's still ard, such a gathering wouldn't be "organised". Shld i be happy that we had a gathering aft so many yrs? Shld I? This entry was half written a month ago, but i didn't have the mood to complete it. I guess it takes lots of courage to be honest to my feelings. I'm often reminded of those times when we used to walk home together aft sch, and now I still walk that path but he's no longer with me. I thought abt alot of things for the past one month aft he left this world. I've lost 2 friends in a yr, what can be more cruel than this? Ppl will only cherish what they've lost! Even for now, i feel very disheartened when my friends did that. Probably they've not undergone what i've been through... Let them be... There's one thing which i'm certain of is, this incident has brought my friend and I closer. Although we didn't say much, but it's all in the action. There are friends in this world, which i guess not worth holding on to, there are some whom i guess only think of you when they have nothing to do, bored/ when in need. There are only few who thinks of you no matter how busy they are and these are the ones who will always be in my heart. You know, sometimes it's really pleasing when they call up and meet up every now and then which keeps the friendship on going. Simple things like these makes me really happy. Thanks alot you ppl for making me part of your life. And thanks CJ for making me see this point. May you find happiness in another world and you will always be in my heart. Rest in peace my dear friend.