Saturday, May 28, 2005

I believe tt some days in your life, you think alot & some days you just take whatever comes along your way. Thinking is a process in life which makes one grow, develop & more conscious abt what you will & are going through. What triggers it can be anyone or anything of any form at any point of time.
Today is the day when i think alot abt life. Not my life, not abt the way i shld live my life, but life in general. No matter what religion or beliefs we have, there'll come a time when we have to go through e 4 basic phrases of life. Birth, Aging, Ill & Death.
I shall focus on Death for now.
"He glanced at me w his fragile eyes when i 1st looked at him. Does he still remember me? I wondered. I wanted to ask if he's feeling ok. But i didn't, not sure if i didn't dare to. At e same time, my defiant mind was banging, opposing my mouth, "Speak up you idiot! This is the last chance!." My mind was defeated, I decided 2 leave e talking 2 those ard me. I just couldn't force myself and wished tt i could telepath to him. For e very 1st time in my life, i felt tt communication was beyond my ability. I nvr felt so reluctant 2 speak my mind.
Why?? I'm so afraid. I'm afraid tt i would break down & cry showing my inner self, i'm such a timid idiot.
He forced himself to speak and nothing but sounds of exhaustion coughed through his teethless mouth. I realised tt he took plenty of effort to even open his mouth. He will nvr again be able to talk to us" I thought.
I could do nothing but allow myself to reminisce those happy mmts few mths ago.
It was CNY, he visited us. He was so healthy back then, i didn't talk much to him & vice versa. It was the language problem. But i'm sure if i could speak tt tougue, we have lots to share. It was just another CNY like before.
Now, he almost like a full scale skeleton lying lifeless on e solemn bed, w all e tubings going through his nose, hands & waist. Seeing all e bruises on both bony arms caused by venipuncture hurts my heart. How much more pain does he has to go through??? Even now if i opened my mouth to speak to him and forget abt e embarrassement of speaking inaccurate Canto , he'll not be able to reply me already. If you really have something to tell anyone, tell him NOW. You'll nvr know when you'll forever lose the chance to do it.
I couldn't stand it, i have no guts 2C him in tt state. But i knew this could be e last chance. I hid my tears, forcing myself 2 look away while i dry them. I thought i was strong but i was weak. I wasn't sure how i shld react, i was trying 2B myself & at e same time cover myself. Too much thoughts, too much emotions, all piercing towards me. I've lost all defence & I'm falling rapidly under. I've lost my arms 2 reach out n all means 2 get up again. I'm buried alive.
We were told 2 prepared 4 e worst. It can be any time nw. If i could drag my every sec 2 extend his life, i would. Beyond that, I don't know, i really don't know, pls save him................"

gecko85 obsessed with Jay Chou (>,<) Saturday, May 28, 2005
Best regards from NY!
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Location: Singapore.
Birthdate: 08/03/85 ; Pisces
Sch: Woodlands Pri, Bukit View Pri & Sec, Ngee Ann Poly

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