Today i wondered alot abt myself, things and ppl ard me. The thoughts complied in my mind and conquer my entire day. Nvr a sec i stop pondering. I saw a lizard on the wall and i spoke to it everytime i passed by it. After a few times, i asked it y didn't it want to do something else besides stoning there. I love Lizards esp Geckoes. I find it a pleasure to talk to it. After several mins, my bro told me tt a lizard was infested by ants n i need to clear it up. So it was dead all along, although it was on the wall. It sort of gave me a sign and hint to wat was troubling me. Wats on the outside is not equivalent to the inside. Disppointment. This is the word. It is associated to all aspects in my life now. Been trying to hide but it's ever existing. The more positive i'm trying to be, the more negative feedbacks i get in return. My past is pulling me back. Time and time i told myself not to fall back but i guess my soul has already surrendered against my will. I don't like wat i see, i didn't have wat i deserve and expected. Maybe i'm asking too much. But what is ard me? I'm just like an empty bottle on the shelf full of filled bottles. I may be chosen to be used, but the person who used me wasn't my owner. He's someone very far away from me. Someone unexpected. Still i'm glad to be used. At least that person find me useful. What happened to my owners?? That's where my disppointment lies and started. Today is the 14th of Aug. I began to ask myself wat have i achieved for the past one yr. I realised that i've lost alot. I have the urge to drown myself in my past once again, although i know i shldn't. It roams ard me every now and then. Haunting me every mmt of my life. Feel like taking it out but i've already kept it safe and tight. I've lost the courage to open it and close it after that. When will i ever gain that courage. Life's not complicated, it's just the absence of simplicity.
