When was the last time i blogged? Seems like decades ago... Been wondering why i did that? Cos i think i need alot of time and effort to explain why. In simple words, i need to rearrange my thoughts before delivering them. Yes, i need a hell lots of time for that. Looking back those mmts when i used to blog frequently, i felt tt i've grown up alot in terms of age, mentality as well as spirtually. Haha! Not being religious here, it has absolutely nothing to do with religion. Taking up a part time course, learning how to wk (esp with ppl with atttitude), dealing with my family matters as well as other kinds of relationships took me through a very enriching journey. Beginning to appreciate more things in life, knowing what is the essence of being alive and looking forward to the future. Ahem! I didn't suffer from depression. Don't get me wrong. I know it sounds like it. Ppl are telling me that i'm too serious a person, and yet i can be abit kee siao at times. Didn't know why back then, but if you ask me now i can tell you it depends on the kind of issue i'm dealing with. Loving myself more allows me to compromise only some things while letting go many others. But to those tt i don't wish to compromise no longer has any rooms for negotiation. This prob leads to being serious. Actually i used to be very extreme in thinking, unhappy abt how things were, how ppl behave and think. You often see my entries complaining abt this and that blah blah blah... It's all a reflection of how much i care abt other ppl think of me. Though i can say tt it still stays with me now, however not as strong... I once brought this up to a friend. The comment he gave was "Relax lah! Don't be so serious!" I gave a soft sigh and a slight smile. I used to think it tt way, nonetheless i'm still bothered by it. Don't be serious and relax lah, is just a passing comment. A comment to run away from issues that truly bother you. Yes i have many problems, too many tt i had to take slightly more than a yr to solve and come to terms with. Don't think tt i'm a repressed person being pesstimisstic here, cos I'm still moving on! You can say tt I'm connected to my own world, my own feelings as well as knowing what's the world is going on. Hahaha! Chim bo? I don't escape, i don't jump and i'm not anorexic... The proves it all! One particular issue i've been trying to deal with was Having Life. How do you feel when ppl say tt you have no life? Meaning: Not going out shopping, catching a movie, dating, holiday, lunching with friends and being online and watch TV series. I still do all those... I still felt no life. Haha! Cos i took things at face value. Sometimes i went out with friends tt I had to force myself to connect to, doing things tt i'd complain days/wks/yrs aft and end up being tired. So much for? So tt when ppl ask what i'm doing this wkend i can PROVE that i have life and not getting a reply of saying tt i have no life. Silly me... Haha! Don't know if this happens to you though... To solve this prob: Me time. Have your ever had a meal? While you are not bothered by anything, not doing it bcos you're thirsty and dehydrated, not in a rush to finish it, not bothered if it's worth the money and if it's up to your expection and you are still happy? Hee! This blog still sounds abit hard to digest as compare to last time... Aiya, wanna know what i'm doing lately can ask me anytime. Want me to share my views on life is exclusively here or just make an appointment first then depends on my mood bah... Bleh!!!
gecko85 obsessed with Jay Chou (>,<) Monday, December 10, 2007
