I Can't Make Up My Mind

It's been a long time

2007-12-10T11:40:00.000+08:00

When was the last time i blogged?
Seems like decades ago... Been wondering why i did that?
Cos i think i need alot of time and effort to explain why. In simple words, i need to rearrange my thoughts before delivering them. Yes, i need a hell lots of time for that.
Looking back those mmts when i used to blog frequently, i felt tt i've grown up alot in terms of age, mentality as well as spirtually. Haha! Not being religious here, it has absolutely nothing to do with religion. Taking up a part time course, learning how to wk (esp with ppl with atttitude), dealing with my family matters as well as other kinds of relationships took me through a very enriching journey. Beginning to appreciate more things in life, knowing what is the essence of being alive and looking forward to the future. Ahem! I didn't suffer from depression. Don't get me wrong. I know it sounds like it. Ppl are telling me that i'm too serious a person, and yet i can be abit kee siao at times. Didn't know why back then, but if you ask me now i can tell you it depends on the kind of issue i'm dealing with. Loving myself more allows me to compromise only some things while letting go many others. But to those tt i don't wish to compromise no longer has any rooms for negotiation. This prob leads to being serious. Actually i used to be very extreme in thinking, unhappy abt how things were, how ppl behave and think. You often see my entries complaining abt this and that blah blah blah... It's all a reflection of how much i care abt other ppl think of me. Though i can say tt it still stays with me now, however not as strong... I once brought this up to a friend. The comment he gave was "Relax lah! Don't be so serious!" I gave a soft sigh and a slight smile. I used to think it tt way, nonetheless i'm still bothered by it. Don't be serious and relax lah, is just a passing comment. A comment to run away from issues that truly bother you. Yes i have many problems, too many tt i had to take slightly more than a yr to solve and come to terms with. Don't think tt i'm a repressed person being pesstimisstic here, cos I'm still moving on! You can say tt I'm connected to my own world, my own feelings as well as knowing what's the world is going on. Hahaha! Chim bo? I don't escape, i don't jump and i'm not anorexic... The proves it all!
One particular issue i've been trying to deal with was Having Life.
How do you feel when ppl say tt you have no life?
Meaning: Not going out shopping, catching a movie, dating, holiday, lunching with friends and being online and watch TV series.
I still do all those... I still felt no life. Haha! Cos i took things at face value. Sometimes i went out with friends tt I had to force myself to connect to, doing things tt i'd complain days/wks/yrs aft and end up being tired. So much for? So tt when ppl ask what i'm doing this wkend i can PROVE that i have life and not getting a reply of saying tt i have no life. Silly me...
Haha! Don't know if this happens to you though...
To solve this prob: Me time.
Have your ever had a meal? While you are not bothered by anything, not doing it bcos you're thirsty and dehydrated, not in a rush to finish it, not bothered if it's worth the money and if it's up to your expection and you are still happy?
Hee! This blog still sounds abit hard to digest as compare to last time...
Aiya, wanna know what i'm doing lately can ask me anytime. Want me to share my views on life is exclusively here or just make an appointment first then depends on my mood bah... Bleh!!!

It's time to use English.

2006-07-24T21:28:00.000+08:00

Confession: I copied and pasted the lyrics of Someday by Nickelback cos I couldn't find anything to talk abt... At the same time, just wanna put it there so tt i can conveniently look at it as and when i feel like it.
Well ah, i'm back to using English again, need to change my style from time to time (Bullshit..)
I've been keeping myself really busy for the past 2 months, working OT, attending my club's concert, settling money matters AND watching the World cup of course which is the highlight of June. Haha! Not really pleased with the finals but it's all over. Yup, I shall look forward to the Euro in 2008 yuppie!
As for now! I'm suffering from muscle aches all over my shoulders... Prob due to wrong posture! Anyone offering insurance that covers for ergonomic injuries?? Huh? 80 yr old muscles trying to work out in a 21 yr old body. Hell man no!
What's on my mind recently? Vacation.
It's ever on my mind since the day i laid my hands once again on my precious collections of travel brochures. Asia, Africa, Europe and even some ulu ulu countries. (Anyway it's free.) I was given 2 mags on Spain, ya solely Spain my fave country of all times. I allowed myself to be mesmerized every morning as i scanned through the photos while savouring every bites of my breakfast.
I'm stuck here right now... Cos i can't remember what else i wanted to talk abt... Typically me.
I'll think abt it and come back. Er, in another few wks time.

Nickelback Someday

2006-07-22T11:23:00.000+08:00

How the hell'd we wind up like this And why weren't we able To see the signs that we missed And try to turn the tables I wish you'd unclench your fists And unpack your suitcase Lately there's been too much of this But don't think it's too late Nothing's wrong Just as long as you know that someday I will.
Someday, somehow I'm gonna make it alright But not right now I know you're wondering when You're the only one who knows that Someday somehow I'm gonna make it alright But not right now I know you're wondering when.
Well I'd hope that since we're here anyway That we could end up saying Things we've always needed to say So we could end up staying Now the story's played out like this Just like a paperback novel Let's rewrite an ending that fits Instead of a Hollywood horror.
Nothing's wrong Just as long as you know that someday I will Someday, somehow I'm gonna make it alright But not right now I know you're wondering when You're the only one who knows that Someday somehow I'm gonna make it alright But not right now I know you're wondering when You're the only one who knows that I know you're wondering when You're the only one who knows that I know you're wondering when.

有原則的一天。。。

2006-06-16T21:31:00.000+08:00

又來了，又用華文了。。。。。。
聽者英文歌寫華文是我給我自己一個莫大的挑戰。。。相信我的頭腦還蠻“正常” 的。
近來的幾個禮拜我都忙着加班，幾乎每晚都遲睡。在加上2006年世界杯的熱潮才剛起伏，有時還堅持掙開眼睛去支持我所喜歡的球隊。西班牙！我挺你們到底！
累歸累，要辦的事情實在太多了。就算硬着頭皮也得去辦好。
煩惱來臨時，我發現我不屬於逃避的類型。相反的，會被它凡的魂不守舍，無法專心的工作一直到我想通爲止。那件苦惱的事，終于在我回家洗澡相通的。：）
很好，這經歷讓我更加了解自己。
1) 爲何要用中文呢？－－－－－〉最近用的英文太多，想平衡以下自己。
2) 爲何要比別人花多幾年呢？－－－－－〉因爲，這是原則的問題。如果我真的想要，我會要我認
爲最好的。我要為我所擁有的感到自豪。
3) 爲何要一個月編一次稿呢？－－－－－〉要寫就要有内容的。那些有的沒的就別霸位了。。。。
為目的而所求為成就而貢獻至少回頭看的時候累積的是經驗.

　　

　

感触深厚的一天。。。

2006-05-01T21:53:00.000+08:00

今天的我不必上班，自由自在的呆在家里发愣。实在是闷得透顶了。
时间就让它慢慢得过，我也悠闲的感受着没事做的时光。但是好景不长在，我爸爸竟然叫我到楼下去买点东西。。。其实我并没有介意，只是懒洋洋的离开家，漫步走着。
买好了东西后，我突然会想起当今小时候时常经过的路，也就是放学后必经之路。我在毫不知情之下，跟随着我的心情走向那一条路。就好像时光倒流一样，我凭着以往走过的路途回家去。短短的几个步伐就足以让我恢复许许多多遗失的美好回忆。真没想到，过了这么多年我还能记得不少小插曲，而且每个都让我丝丝入扣，感慨万分。每当凉风轻吹过我的脸颊时，我似乎能听到当时天真无邪的笑声但至今往事也只能回味了。
回到了家楼下，仿佛回到了现在。我不时反省一下现在自己的生活态度，真是不如往年。一点都不积极，一点都没方向，就如海水泛滥一样四处流。。。而且还是衡冲直撞的那一种。以前的我选择快乐，现在，我也选择快乐。但并没有，以前快乐。失败的原应是，我忘了我的过去。时常埋怨谁对我不好，生活太苦闷和不知足的观念让我就算是洴了命做许多快乐的事也不够我去感受。其实，我现在的生活也不是太差劲，不必去计较舍么的。我不希望将来会想过去的时候只有小学时候才快乐，因为我的每一份每一秒就只有一次。没有美好的回忆，就别想有更好的未来。所谓，皮之不存，毛将覆焉。

Primary Sch Dinner

2006-05-01T03:21:00.001+08:00

Ohmigawd! I took so long to find my spects and now it's already 1.40am... Why do i always have to search all over my hse for my spects... Nvr grow up... Just came back frm a pri sch gathering. Went for dinner at Siam Kitchen and spoilt my healthy lifestyle plan! "_" I considered myself a failure to organise it cos I suggested NYDC w/o realising tt it's not halal... ... So my poor muslim friend turned up asked if it's halal there, I just flashed my silly smile at him. Well, the "best part" was, we've already ordered ourselves a elephancino... ... What a big cup of coffee! We had no choice to gulp all down within minutes, luckily we didn't order our food yet phew! Honestly, i felt sick aft gulping down the coffee, too filling... The buffet dinner at Siam Kitchen had definitely paid off for the embarrassing mmt ! It was indeed a better choice, we ate alot alright! I'm glad tt i still have friends who can eat. Most of my friends can't and i always had no choice but to restrict myself haha! It's the image issue "' "" Lots of catching up ya... Lots of laughsters and laming. Never knew tt i can laugh so much aft all these yrs. There's just certain things in us tt will nvr change over the yrs. One thing i managed to observe through this meet up was, we seemed to feel like 11 or 12yrs old again. We spoke of all the silly jokes, rumours and things we did, cleared up some silly misunderstandings and confessions etc etc etc. Nothing to hide, yes nothing to cover up. Go ahead and be childish cos tt's what we know abt each other and used to be. Unlike now, when friends only get to see the mature side of u & yr childish cum innocent acts will seem irritating and unbearable to them. How i wish i can go back in time & have fun again... I actually didn't want to bring this up, but i really hope he can be with us. It would have been more fun as he's one of the joker in the class. Without him, the class photo will nvr look as complete and the past will be less memorable. Inevitably we often thought if not for him, things would be so different... This puts us in a very dilematic postition, shld he be alive now, we might not have gathered... But I rather have him in this world then to gather. Nothing can be compared to losing a friend this way... Still, why can't I have both? Why? Must things be this way?

JP Morgan event... 5.6km

2006-04-26T23:02:00.000+08:00

Wosh! I'm back from the 5.6km JP Morgan race! How scary it is to run 5.6km when i can't even run 2.4km... But somehow i've made it! Nah, not non-stop but i'm sure i ran like 3 quarter of it though.
To be honest, there was a mmt of feeling "high" when i ran just now, it's really amazing cos at tt particular mmt, my mind juz blanked out & I juz ran effortlessly! No worries, no nothing! Cool right? I've come to realised tt mental strength comes before physical and sure enuff i had enjoyed myself, (JC, Thank you for psychoing me to join, u noe who u r...)
Aft the run, I had dinner at Lau Pa Sat... chit chatting and abit of bitching, it's hard not to, since it's part of my life now hoho! Well, at the same time i'm feeling sian abt my new running shoes! Cos it's covered w the stinko mud & I really hate it!
Hmmm, as for now I'm still pretty awake & alert although i shld be slping plus i got to wk tml! Seriously, i'm still hyper nw, not sure if it's due to the teh tarik i had during dinner or the 30mins bath i just had. Haha! Waste water right? Can't help it! I stinked like a pig man! Somemore, i diligently scrubbed my new shoes w all my might to get rid of those mud leh! Argh! Still have to wk so hard at this time of the day... ...
Ah well, i'll try to get some slp and reserve some energy for the coming LONG wkend.

The storm is coming....

2006-04-23T21:49:00.000+08:00

Hey! I'm here today with a very obvious purpose.
To b*tch, ya...
I'm in the kinda b*tchy mood, as usual bcos of the irritating b*tch.
Unlike last time, whenever i thought of or saw her i felt the fear coming from within. Now, i can't seem to wait for a chance to bloody slap her bloody face. Wahaha! Evil smile... I really buay tahan her sickening attitude and the slap-me-black face of hers. My fingers are as itchy as those times when ppl itch to play mahjong, you get what i mean?
Yes, that a**h*le probably think that i'm a sucker for everything, obviously she hasn't seen me flare up before. Don't make me do that, i really "begged" her for that... Come on lah, i'm suppose to uphold a very kind, understanding, "cute", obliging and courteous image alright. I don't wanna lose that image cos of her. But on second thoughts, prob all ppl ard me didn't wanna lose their image too that's why no one dares to go against her. Tsk tsk tsk... Actually look at this prob objectively and logically, to keep your cool only when the person is worth the effort. Not for those d*mn bloody f***ing a**h*le who is not worth that slightlest effort at all. She really needs a thrashing. If i can ever do what i want, i'll slap her left right center, punch her bloody nose, pull her hair, pluck off all her teeth, dig out both her eyes, give her a d*mn big ear hole, some pernament scratches on her face, peel off all her nails, make her kneel on durians, eat loads of wasabi til she dehydrates herself crying and throw her into the sewage and flush her down the pipes and make sure she's out of my sight forever.
Let me say this the last time.
I HATE HER.

Looking back and forward.

2006-04-21T22:12:00.000+08:00

Suddenly, my mind seems to understand something that I've been trying to understand... ( Sorry guys, just a sudden thought haha! it's ok tt u don't understand)
Well, my life has so far been enjoyable except the mmt i thought of my work and that person.
There's a little progress in trying not to be affected by that person. Wish myself all the best! Life still has to go on.
Well, today i dun wanna b*tch about anyone, cos i probably will go on non-stop.
Currently, all i can think of is vacation! The June holidays are coming, that really urge me to take a break, but it's not the best time to go also leh! If i want a break, i don't wanna squeeze with the crowd so... probably choose a quieter time to go though.
Trying to bring about changes in my life all these while, i sort of complicate myself by doing that. Can't help it, but i always ask myself, what am i trying to change? And for what purpose?
Apparently, you can say that i'm not contented with my life yet. I've always think that life is short and on top of that mine is extremely boring. Just want to be more exposed to things that are new, interesting and extraordinary. Nah! not the kind like go chiong at MOS at least once a mth, go get myself a tatoo, dye my hair white or eat some weird food. Just something tsk you know, that makes you FEEL different, not exactly LOOK different.
Alright, you can relate this kinda feeling by imagining me, a beggar, trying to think of creative ways to beg, finding myself a different roof each day, drinking water from all sources i can find (xcept toilet) and eat ahem, of course edible food but from left overs of different restaurants. What i need is a breakthrough. So far, it's really hard for me to explain the purpose of it and make my friends understand this mentality of mine. Haiz... Sad.
Immediately aft the long wkend last wk, i started to think about the next long wkend hahaha! Ya, can't stop fantasizing. Tsk tsk tsk don't know what to do abt it yet but i'll do something abt it... ...

It's been a long long time.

2006-04-06T21:15:00.000+08:00

Yup! It's been a super duper long time since i last updated this blog.
All I know is that, everytime when i decided to share my views here, i've learnt something in life. I'm the sort who appreciates every mmt of my life. Unfortunately, i can make plans for it and yet not accomplishing it. Well, silly you may call me but i strongly believe that having some plans and hopes in life keeps me going.
That's why I just don't undestand why some people could bear grudges and live on as though the entire world had done them wrong. What's the point of keeping all the negative feelings and live with a hell lots of vengence?
Why am I talking about these? Ok, it all originates from this person i knew and has been giving me headaches and stress all these while. I once hated this person for all the unnecessary pain and torture that i failed to tackle with and allowed my life to go downhill while tt person live on like a king. Very often i confronted my friends and soulmates how miserable i felt and the fear i lived in everyday that i'll accidentally unknowingly provoked a giant at slp. Time and time again, i couldn't walk out of misery and fear. My life was really upside down, nothing could lift up my spirits.
Almost forgot, I must introduce this fella to you guys before i proceed on. I must say this person is a very unhappy person (as this person nvr smiles, black face is all you'll see), probably one with high expectations in life/work, unable to accept imperfections, unwilling to associate with ppl whom was considered to be the "inferior" and having the misconceptions of being the most capable and perfect being. With all these, you can imagine why this person is such a pain in the a**. With all these, arrogance comes into picture. With arrogance, ppl like me are often picked on like suckers, so much so tt I begin to suspect my own capabilities and gradually lose all of my confidence and esteem. I became very submissive to all the person's unreasonable orders, expectations and requirements. Yea, a puppet. No, i didn't flare up or stood up to defend myself, neither did i think of giving up so i let things pass on ... ...
As time ticks by, the stress accumulates and finally affected my health and being. There were achings on my shoulders and affected my slp, i couldn't have peace when i slp and woke up the next day in fear of starting the brand new day. I have muscles tensions everywhere!!!
All the misery ended when someone i met a few days ago, helped me by massaging the tensed muscles over my shoulders, well i was asked why i had to sacrifice my body for someone like that? I had two choice, to change my mindset of that person (not to be affected) or just give up. This person who gives me hell probably has no confidence and was only faking it all the while to hide those imperfections, at the same time being unhappy all the time is because this person just couldn't take things the way it is!! It's just signs of being weak isn't so?
Sympathy is the word to describe my feelings towards this human being. One who take things so hard will never learn to let go and be happy. High expectations doesn't guarantee satisfaction. Remember, if you are unhappy it affects ppl ard you. All of us shld noe this by now, we don't have to face ppl/ friends with a gloomy face and make them unhappy. If you are unhappy and wanna showcase your bl**dy black face, i can BOLDLY say this, keep yourself at home.
At last, i've managed to walk out of my fears and live on like i used to be. I'm still adjusting so... i hope i'll make it.

This is for 15/01/2006

2006-02-18T14:53:00.000+08:00

This is for 15/01/06. Aft much thoughts and courage, i'm finally able to voice out. Aft babbling abt how happy i was last sat, i went off to bed and had sweet dreams. I felt so pleasant until the next morning when CW flooded my hp with smses. When i saw the smses the next morning at 10am, i wondered y would someone be looking for me so urgently... As usual, i read them at chronological order. 01:41:42=LATEST update! hey gals he's heart suddenly stopped and is in icu ward?? now. I don't know the bed no, but you can check with the nurses there. I'd would be goingdown tml morning. 02:14:57=Hi gals, sorry i'm going down now. My friend told me to hurry up. i'll let the both of you the latest news. 02:53:16= CJ passed away at 2.44am The last sms was sent twice in fear that i'll miss it. Ever since the day when i knew abt this friend of mine who was diagnosed with Leukaemia, he has been fighting against it courageously for 1 yr already. As his friend i felt disappointed that i only knew abt it aft so long. It's been 2 wks since i last visited him when i heard tt the doc says tat he has the most 2 wks... I was dying to visit him, no one could have stopped me then. He looked normal and cheerful. The more he look indifferent, the more it hurts my heart. Who doesn't knows it's just an act? He talked abt the BMT he's gonna have the following week from his bro whom the doctor suggested and all of us thought is a chance worth taking. We thought everything's going to turn out just fine. (Just like in dramas.) On the very day he was supposed to go for the transplant, he had some complications which delayed the opt. The doctors tried their best to rescue him but after several hours of resuscitation, my friend chose to leave. It's been hard on him. He has been brave all these years fighting his illness and we really hope that he'll get well one day. But that day never came. On the day of his funeral, I tried to contact as many other friends as possible, they are those whom i've not seen them for almost 8 years!! I'm really touched by a few who came although they didn't quite remember who CJ was... It's lame but how many friends would do tat? It's a funeral, and it's also a reunion. If he's still ard, such a gathering wouldn't be "organised". Shld i be happy that we had a gathering aft so many yrs? Shld I? This entry was half written a month ago, but i didn't have the mood to complete it. I guess it takes lots of courage to be honest to my feelings. I'm often reminded of those times when we used to walk home together aft sch, and now I still walk that path but he's no longer with me. I thought abt alot of things for the past one month aft he left this world. I've lost 2 friends in a yr, what can be more cruel than this? Ppl will only cherish what they've lost! Even for now, i feel very disheartened when my friends did that. Probably they've not undergone what i've been through... Let them be... There's one thing which i'm certain of is, this incident has brought my friend and I closer. Although we didn't say much, but it's all in the action. There are friends in this world, which i guess not worth holding on to, there are some whom i guess only think of you when they have nothing to do, bored/ when in need. There are only few who thinks of you no matter how busy they are and these are the ones who will always be in my heart. You know, sometimes it's really pleasing when they call up and meet up every now and then which keeps the friendship on going. Simple things like these makes me really happy. Thanks alot you ppl for making me part of your life. And thanks CJ for making me see this point. May you find happiness in another world and you will always be in my heart. Rest in peace my dear friend.

I've done it this yr!

2006-01-15T00:26:00.000+08:00

Yes! I do it every year and i just did it this year!
I'm talking about sweating all out while squeezing myself through the crowd at Chinatown.
It has been a routine that i go there at least once every year, believe it or not i nvr miss it or at least not that i remember of. The variety there, sad to say is getting worst as the yrs go by. You see another stall selling the same things every other stalls!!! Good competition but it seems that there are no participants to start with. It was super packed but only a few would shop for their CNY groceries there as those items can be easily obtainable at nearby malls at comparable prices. The only exclusive snack i found there were the Taiwanese Muah Chee and several other Taiwanese imported goods like nougats and pastries etc. They were also eye catching from afar due to their attractive packagings and vast varieties for sampling. I actually expressed the kiasuism in me by trying out various samplings haha and only bought 1 box of pineapple cake.
*-*"' After all, they weren't cheap...
My pals and I scrolled towards China Square while making our way to the Raffles MRT station. Prob sick of squeezing w many others at Outram MRT. Although i may sound like a tourist now but i find that CSq is an absolute perfect place for quiet dining. Imagine this, ample amt of fresh air, gd ambience plus yr close friends and food to yr liking at affordable prices... It's definitely a paradise isn't it?
We spent an hr or so at our final destination at Clarke Quay chatting, making a fool of ourselves and reminising the past esp when we used to worry abt common tests/exams whenever we were out relaxing and being paranoid abt our life aft our final exams... We hardly had quality relaxation in the past. I'm sure all of us appreciated that mmt at the riverside more as we don't have to worry abt them now. Or maybe all of us have come up w/ a way to separate wk frm aft-wk life so as not to be troubled w/ wk issues when we're out w/ friends we seldom meet... ... Life isn't as simple anymore.
I had a great time squeezing, sweating, eating, lazying, crapping and relaxing! I hope you guys did too!

Black Friday

2006-01-13T22:30:00.000+08:00

This morning, i woke up with a heavy heart cos the thought of me having to work this sat can really kill me. I'm so tired this week! All bcos of the Hari Raya Haji... ... Screwed everything up. When things are almost cleared, my energy is already half way gone. Well, i can always confort myself by saying that i'm not going to work next sat.
To me, today is a normal friday, i'm already very suay last yr and i believe tt this wk can't be any better. So when ppl are there outside worrying abt today being Friday e 13th, i'm here telling myself "it's just another day..."
Eh, what i'm going to talk abt next is something very important. Guess what? There's a new song from the talented Jay Chou, it's called Huo4 Yuan2 Jia3. Hehe! A piece created with much efforts and understanding of the versatility of chinese music , kinda miss this kinda songs cos for the past few albums his style seemed to move towards slow,love ballads. Check that out esp those who listen to 933 alot.

What shld i say now?

2006-01-09T23:20:00.000+08:00

After several wks of 4 wking days, my bones are getting weaker and lazier. The wet weather contributes alot to my laze too!
I've nothing to update, just wanna say hi and life is getting on fine for me, nothing much has happened. Hope you guys are beginning to enjoy 2006. As far as i'm concerned, this is a new beginning for me. As usual, i still look forward for time to past faster, i was more than well-prepared to welcome 2006 hehe and is waiting for 2007 to come. Ya my siao attitude is back...
It doesn't bother me much, being siao is my hobby nowadays, it's routine.
Enuff of crapping, it's abt time to stone. See you guys soon!

2nd fine day of 2006

2006-01-02T18:03:00.000+08:00

What an easy day today...
I did nothing much actually, woke up without the irritating alarm on a Monday morning. Watched TV while eating my breakfast, taking my own sweet time to chew and savour very bites. What next, i received a call from Dad and asked me to wash his car. Haiz, i tot i could slouch on the sofa the entire day munching on whatever i can find at home.
Reluctantly i moved my ass out of the comfort i was in and went downstairs. Since i've nothing to do for the rest of the day, i might as well put in 100% effort in washing the car (i usually only put in 50%). The weather was in my favour, not too sunny and was not rainy. At that very instance, i wanted to go out instead of the initial idea to rot at home. Then, questions came, who to ask? where to go? what to do? Aiya, too many qns, what a hassle man? If my friends wanna go out, they would have asked me rite? Anyway, i wanna spend some time with myself, more enjoyable to be alone at times like this. It's not benefitting to see friends too often, for a particualr reason which i've proven myself right too many times. I'll stick to my initial idea.
My 100% effort took me 1 and a half hr... ... Hahaha!!!! Very scary rite? I took the entire time in the world to do just that?! I'm shocked and pleased at the same time. The car is sparking clean.
Don't worry pals, i'm not the actress in some boring dramas who just fall out of love and vent their frustrations scrubbing the paint off the car. I did it all out of pleasure and leisure.
Simple day rite? So i gave myself a simple lunch. Instant noodles without any additional ingredients. Solely whatever's in the pack hehe! It still makes me happy. I ate it in front of the TV watching replays. It makes me even more enjoyable. This is what i call a complete day off! No plans, no worries, no time constraint, no orders, no hurry!!!
Going out for dinner later, it's time to be served. Not in a restaurant lah, in some kopitam near my hse w my friend whom we plan to meet only hrs ago, told you it's gonna be a simple day already rite? Probably aft tt, i'm going to take my time to scroll back home and watch TV again before slping. I really dunno what will happen to me tml when i'm back to wk, that's why i'm pampering myself today to the fullest.
(For those ppl who are out to spoil my day tml, I hope things don't go your way too, the amt of hell you give me tml, will strike back at you double the amt. )

Happy 2006!

2006-01-01T22:57:00.000+08:00

Nothing to complain today... just don't wanna voice out.
Sometimes, i feel that i shld just shut up. Sometimes i just can't hold it...
"There were happy mmts Diana, there were. Think of it more and the sucky ones will be left behind."
"Yeah... But it's hard u know? Why ppl r juz liddat? If you don't like it, just get the F**k out!"
"... ... don't get so worked up gal"
"What the hell are you talking abt? I hate those ppl who do all these, if you wanna act, act all the way, don't ever stop."
"Ppl, like you sometimes do get tired you know...?"
"I don't care man! If you like it, stay on. If you don't, and decided to keep it to yourself, don't bloody show it. Best of all, get the hell out of here @#$%!"
"You promised yourself not to be bothered by things like these remember?"
"Yes i do, but i'm just concerned, i want everybody to be happy. There's no happiness when everyone had to force themselves."
"They tired you know?!"
"Respect me. Be frank abt it. I've decided. I'm wishing my hands of you all. That's the only way to satisfy all. I really hate to see some of you sulking, looking all so **r** in there. What the?! trying to show me that you're **r** rite? The more i hack care, go ahead!!! IF YOU NEVER VOICE ANYTHING OUT IN THE FIRST PLACE, DON'T EVER GIVE THE DAMNED LOOK!!!
"Cool down gal.. listen to me!"
"Nothing, i'm sorry to think it tt way. But i guess it's all over. You are better of with someone else.Bye."
Happy 2006 everyone! Hope everyone enjoyed yourselves in the countdown ytd no matter where you were! I did myself, hope there'll be another time like this although i know somethings are not what i think it is. Don't worry, there wouldn't be another time like this.

I'm here just bcos i wanna blog

2005-12-29T19:33:00.000+08:00

Today i'm online, just bcos i feel like blogging.
Ytd, i had a friend who talked to me abt New Year resolutions, she claimed that she hadn't achieved anything for the whole of this yr and didn't manage to do what she had planned to do.
To be frank, I don't remember what was my "New Year resolution" for this yr... I remembered that i had one, but as time goes by i sort of hack care abt it. Cos i'm not someone who lives for one goal in life, but many. Making goals at the beginning or before the New Year arrives is something everyone does, even i do it too. I don't know abt you guys, aft i made my New Year resolutions i'll leave it aside and the next time i ever think abt it again is the end of the year. Ha! I've made so many resolutions since i ever knew abt it, and i achieved none. On contrary, those goals tt i set whenever i feel like it, were accomplished! Tsk that's me... And i'm really not upset abt not accomplishing it, how many ppl is this world actually did???!!! Hee!
My main purpose to be online is to tell this friend of mine, who told me tt she's so sad as she felt tt she hadn't achieved anything this yr, that your life isn't just abt achieving things??!!??!!
It's more of what you've done alright??
Life is short, it doesn't take you to achieve something to make you happy.
I believed tat you've achieved definitely, not physically but it's all in the mind. Yes, you do girl, trust me. Seriously, i feel tt setting a goal in life is just like aiming at a star. You don't have to pluck it from the sky but at the very least you know the direction to look at and from where you are looking at it.
Wish you all the best in the coming New Year. I hope you'll get to read this b4 you start crying k hor!! Hehehehehe!!!!!

Finally i'm back... Sooooo busy

2005-12-23T11:49:00.000+08:00

Sorry guy for the super long wait. I was very busy and tired that i can't be bothered to move my fingers. Many things happened last month that i can't bear to type em' all out in here, some bad memories are best kept deep beneath my heart.
These happenings are such that i can only learn from it and do nothing abt it. I simply sympatised myself for not being able to manipulate what happened and allow it to go on...
Many ppl told me that bad experiences are lessons tt we human have to learn from, point taken.
I still think that some things, i don't need to go through to learn it! Why must i always learn it the hard way? What difference does it make? Seems like I will only know how it benefits me in time to come.
My mind had undergone a very serious reformation the past few weeks, i've come to realise tt things i used to hold on so dearly to, and those thinkings tt i used to obstinately had were foolish. There are so many other things to look out for, dreams and goals to achieve. In order words, issues that used to bother me big time no longer have its impact on me. People, objects, thoughts and ideas are just temporary. As time goes, these things changed and age but only memories stay young. So no matter what i do, being happy is my priorty.
Okie! Enuff of all these!
Alright, starting from this paragraph i'm typing here is entered at a much later time of the day, it's errrr 12.15am now. And those before this paragraph was what i typed this afternoon. Two entries a day, Bo liao mah!
I just came back, orchard was super crowded man! I enjoyed myself this evening, although it's not a preplanned thingy but, i've always trust impromptu to planned outing. More variations, more options, more freedom.
I'm not sure if i'll blog tml, so hereby wishing everyone a MERRY CHRISTMAS & A HAPPY NEW YEAR???
Anyone care to share their new year resolutions with me? Hahaha! Feel free to tag the dead board hor! It's proudly announced dead and certified by Diana the Super Great.

发如雪。

2005-11-04T22:59:00.000+08:00

你发如雪，凄美了离别，我焚香感动了谁？
Sometimes, i live my life hoping one day i can make someone really touched by what i did.
I guess i just did it today.
Was an extremely dreadful day until i started labelling my test tubes and checking them against the row of EDTA tubes that was given to me earlier this morning. "Why must do all these, i really wish the time to fly man..." After having all the public holidays, i'm getting lazy and dreamy.
My usual procedure was to double check the 4 digits manually assigned to each tubes to my own tubes b4 analysis. To save time and trouble, i can safely obmit checking the names cos i'm not going to do the reporting based on their names.
But someday, sometime, sometime kapoism in me will admire some beautiful/ werid names of some of patients. That kapoism in me was activated this morning, and so i peered at one of the EDTA randomly and learned tt the name looks super familar. Checked the surame, yes it's familar. Checked the system, yes the birthdate is familar. Checked the age, yes it's the age i expected.
My heart start to rumble.
That's really my friend.
Kapoism started to multiply uncontrollably, and my fingers just go on clicking to find out more.
Ward XX. I called Ward XX.
"Hello, may i know what bed is Yy WWW in? And when will Yy be discharged?"
"17, and will be discharged this afternoon at 1pm"
I still have hope! Not too late yet, almost raced out to find my friend. I really wish to see my long lost friend. I didn't know i would treasure this friendship actually after so long... ...
We've lost contact for almost 4 yrs, its inevitable in a way...
I glanced anxiously at my watch. 10pm, 3 more hrs to tick by. I rushed to my wkplace to scan throu my wklist and incubation time. Diligently, i calculate the time i can finish my things.
12pm.
Correct! That's the time i planned myself to end. But if i want to visit my friend, it's safer to end earlier and visit earlier in case of early discharge! I tried to calm down, handle the special specimen w x'tra care and start analysing. It's tough, fighting the mental struggle between being calm and anxious. I have to be professional, not to rush to do what i need to. At the same time, i worry abt how i'm suppose to appear in front of my friend and explain how i know abt the admittance? What if this is not acceptable?
As the clock strikes 12:15pm, the phone rang, ppl called to chase for results, com hanged, my QC failed, all pushing my temper and patience to the limit. I'm in a rush!!! I blew up, i really need to go! My fingers started to bang on the keyboard and spoke harshly to the caller " Check the com aft 15 mins"； slammed the phone down. “What the f***, all the d*mn things is going against me at the f***ing wrong time！！！·#￥%！！”
I pulled off my labcoat and stomped to the lift. My anxiety grew together w the gravity.
This time i need to admit, i'm not as strong as i tot i can be. Together w me was another friend of mine, who haha, had to bear w my weird behaviour... We went in, almost reaching the bed side, i decided to back out. (It's weird actually, thinking back, it's nothing! There's nothing to be afraid of!) After standing outside for 10 mins, i took a deep breathe and barged in.
I saw a familar face "Diana right??"
"Yeah... " "How did you know...""Well, er, i i i , saw yr name er, in one of my samples, so erm erm i just you know checked and all the particulars seemed to match, actually er, you mind? i mean, you you know?" （You didn't read wrongly my dear friends, i didn't type wrongly either, it's just because you've nvr heard me spoke tt way b4. For you to know, i do stutter.)
How silly of me. Why would my friend mind all these right?? My gd old friend...
who shared alot of memories and once had lots of fun together...
4 yrs didn't keep us apart, we talked as though we didn't meet for 4 days in fact.
I have to say this, fate is one big reason y we both meet again. I will nvr 4get how shocked my friend looked, and how my other friend sound over the phone aft telling her that i found Yy haha! She even accused me of giving her such a big surprise?!!!?!
That's my specialty lah gal!!
An EDTA tube has brought 2 friends who lost contact for 4 yrs together.
Believe in fate, believe that someday tt special someone will pop out of nowhere w/o u having to look for him/her in the most unexpected place brought together by something which you may have overlooked in your everyday life.
Buy an EDTA tube from Diana now, at $10 each
Buy 2 get one free. You may enjoy the most unpredictable miracle at only $10 away.
While stock last. Only applicable to those who know me. Call

Cantonese

2005-11-03T01:02:00.000+08:00

Ngor hmm chee yi ka yan diae hai dim lum ge.
Ngor hmm kok tak ji gae lum tak tai tor, wa je hai ji zum fan lou.
Hmm lum hmm doi biu hmm chun zoi, see sat zhao hai se sat.
Yu gor ngor hmm fan yi di ye, zhao hai yan wai gan bun zhao mou heng chui sin jin kum zou.
Yaw hor neng, yan diae mou heng chui wha ze hai hmm ley tak kum tor...
Yi ka, ngor zhan hai hou fan, hou gui. Hmm siong ley kum tor, yat chai soon kei ji yin.
Shun dou kiu tou, zi yin chek.
Tan bak yun loi hai kum lan, bei ngor, ngor zan hai hmm siong tor lok houi.
But gor, tan bak hoi yi gai qut hou tor hmm bit yu ge fan ngou...
Bei ngor, ngor ching yun lei dei wa bei ngor chee lei dei ge lum fa, mou bei ngor zhoi chai hao hmm hao...
Fong ngor yat ma la...

我和我的感想。。。

2005-10-25T21:54:00.000+08:00

近来，某件事令我不胜其烦。他的漠不关心让我心灰意冷。
是我想太多了吗? 还是我太执著了呢？
或许对有些人，不去想，不闻不问，不理不睬是一种习惯，或是一种已经“长大 ”/“成熟 ”的表态。
但我不以为然。
难道不去管，事实就变的不存在吗？这其实是一种懒散，过于依赖和完全不负责任的思想。
一时冲动和一直置之不理也许其实没多大的分别吧。为什么，还有人肯认定，“别想那么多 ”是一种酷？
我不敢说他影响了我，也不能说他的所作所为是我已经习惯的。只是有时候我不想让人觉得我其实很爱做决定，事事都得依我，自我为中心。我实际上很懒的。
还好现实是没对于错，只有因果。
不放心思，那来得成果？
我想做的事，我不愿拖。乘我还有一口气，我要去争取，去实现。

无间道。

2005-10-16T21:17:00.000+08:00

今天下了一天的雨，算是老天爷配合我犹豫的心清而安排的。
昨天的演唱会不但让我非常难忘还非常振奋。那是我等了好多年才盼到的时刻。
相隔了十多年，没想到他们的现场表现依然赢得了许多忠实歌迷们的热烈欢呼与掌声。饱满的室内体育馆已足够表示Beyond在新加坡的成就和实力。他们以那么多年的努力所换来的成绩就在他们昨晚Beyond The Story 2005演唱会呈现在他们三人的面前。身为一个歌手，还能有什么要求？
Beyond在娱乐圈的生涯一向不平坦，经历不少波折和坎坷。从1983年一直到现在，走的也走了，离开的也离开了。顶顶撞撞了好几年，终于有了点起头时竟然天妒英才在1993年让他们丧失了组合里的灵魂人物黄家驹。把一个原有的四人组一旬间变成了现有的三人组。我相信这十二年来，不会有人忘了他。
相信其余的三个人在近来的几年也不好过，痛失哥哥/好友的他们也尽心尽力把Beyond搞好，实现已故的家驹的遗愿。 “人一生不在乎得到了什么，最重要是做了什么”。
我认为“你做到了。你，也得到了“。
他们应该感到自豪。
可惜的是，他们终于还是打算解散，结束了带给他们光辉岁月的乐队. 最终，决定开最后一场巡回演唱会来回馈多年来支持他们的歌迷们，也为Beyond 在乐坛的生涯画上完美的句号。然后在以个人的才华展现在大家面前。虽然我很舍不得，但我也会在此深深的祝福他们在将来的事业里也能成功。
我会永远记得你们，也会记得永不放弃的精神，记得开心，记得世界和平; Amani.
“看过去现已无法改变的，一双手，怎去做修补。无对于错，但有因与果”。

Tiredness aside, Happiness comes first.

2005-10-12T17:20:00.000+08:00

Tiredness aside, happiness comes first.
I'm so tired and i'm getting slpy. I've chosen to tire myself last nite anyway.
I went back to school ytd, just to hang out, chit chat and waste my time away in a more fun & relaxing way. I'm glad tt i managed to ask my chit chat kaki out to meet in the clubhse ytd to gossip a litte...
Hmmm, nothing much has changed back in NP except the bus stop has additional seats haha! And i'm no longer a student there. An alumni. That's what they call me now. It's nice to be called an alumni haha! Seeing all the freshies practising their violins and guitars made my fingers itch man! But i didn't feedle w anything last nite. I just sat down w em' and watch em' as time pass by. I'm thinking of joining them again sometime, cos it's really a pleasure to be playing w a grp of friends. Such chances are rare. I can't help recalling those times when we practised and rushed for rehearsals aft classes and went out for super late dinner. (Dinner cum Supper)
Our time was very packed, but was all worth it! :) Gd memories are the proof of it.
Aft i worked for 6 mths, i realised tt it's impt to know what makes you happy and what can be done to make you happy. In sch, as long as u r unhappy abt certain things, u can always get over it. Even if you're tired, u can always stone in lesson or eat snake a litte. However, now, i can only drown myself in caffeine... ...

Happy abt ydt, excited abt next wk.

2005-10-09T16:28:00.000+08:00

Yoz!! I'm back!! I think my blog has become a mthly blog already...
I celebrated 2 friend's birthday ytd. I was fully booked in the sense tt i totally rushed frm a place to another!
I finished my wk at 12.30pm, rushed down to meet my sec sch friends at Paragon at 1.30pm to celebrate one of my friend's birthday at Spageddies. As i was waiting for the bus, another friend of mine whom i've not met for 4 yrs contacted me and we decided to meet up even if we can't meet for long. So i left at 4pm to meet him and chatted for a while before rushing to meet another grp of friends at 6.30pm for dinner. Whoa!!! although i was tired, i was very happy and pleased to meet up with so many friends within er... 12 hrs...
The meet up with a friend whom i've not seen for 4 yrs impressed me the most.
4 yrs is a long time, though we've lost contact for so long, we were still able to talk & laugh as b4. There were alot of catching to do, reminising the past and talking abt the future and many many other things to gossip abt. Just too bad tt i need to rush off. I was lucky tt i wasn't caught in a situation when both parties just kept quiet cos there really nothing to talk (excuse being, too long nvr meet up so very pai seh dunno what to say)... Very sian one rite? I'd rather not meet up in the 1st place...
Yes, i've always believe tt having a friend is just like another investment, you need to be willing to put in some time, effort and even $$ (cos must go out mah) to make friendship go on like it used to be. Esp when life move on and both of u r going diff paths, u guys need to pump in even more time n effort. Or else, like most cases, friends lost contact.
It's easier to make new friends than to keep old ones. But it's the old ones who understands you more. It's those old ones whom you can share more. And it's the old ones who get help you move on in yr life. You can't just keep introducing yrself again and again rite?
To make my day even more exciting, i met another friend whom i've not seen for... 1 yr. But this time i didn't get to talk to him. What a waste!
天啊！！ Why liddat? Haha!
At the very mmt, i had this inspiration that, since i complaint tt my life is boring these days, i sort of got a hint that i can solve that problem by meeting up ALL my long lost friends and catch up w them... Just that, who shld i meet up next?
Next week is the week i've been waiting for yrs! 15-10-05! I'm coming!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Batam Trip 03-09-05

2005-09-04T02:32:00.001+08:00

Yo! I've just came back from Batam. This is my first real real real vacation since graduation. There were many plans to go for a vacation aft my exams but all turn out to be a failure (Can't help it but no choice). Nvr did i expect a last min unplanned outing can be a success. Well, this is my 1st time going there, i had lots to expect and plan to take as many photos as possible using my hp (no digi cam)...
Aft a 45 mins ferry ride, we went shopping for a little while before we decided to have lunch at A&W!!! Whoa! Been v long since i last ate that!! Of course i ordered my fave ice-cream waffle and Root Beer float!
We booked two taxis for the day, and went to 3 other places to shop and explore. I managed to observe the lifestyle there. They lead a simple life, prob not those who wk hard to buy lots of new things but to live for today & dream of tml. Hmmm, more of a village than a city though. The ppl can be quite dangerous cos you noe, in Indonesia... ... The chinese r often regard as loaded... We had to keep a lookout for pickpockets ard us esp when we were at e dry market area. Act,I had a scary incident of nearly kena pickpocketed at a mall earlier on. So, i kinda woke up and started to rearrange my belongings. He's kinda stupid man! He was so obvious w his actions, i just turned & gave him a hard stare & he just act blur. (Well, Actually i act sey onli lah! I was too shocked to do anything else.)
The most interesting part of the trip was the dinner. Seafood dinner you know?? Near the seaside. Romantic and peaceful. Perfect equation to make up a perfect dinner cum perfect vacation. Look at the pics k ( Save lots of description...) Guess how much 5 of us pay for 5 dishes ( Crab, sotong, prawns, fish and rice)?? S$16.3333 Hahaha!!! Abt Rp490 000!!! "Very Ex" leh!!!
The most daring part of the trip is to catch the last ferry bk to S'pore at 11.40pm (10.40pm Indo time).
Spent: Abt Rp390 000 there
Hrs: 11
Photos: 11
Verdict: Gd for relaxation and getaways, not suitable for those tai tai who only like boring shopping plans & waste time at hotels, a great way to explore the diff lifestyle of the locals. (We Singaporeans are really lucky fellows man!!). 7/10 stars! Any one interested? Tell me hor!

What makes me happy what makes me sad

2005-08-18T17:09:00.000+08:00

Hey long long long long time no see man!
Too many things to say, but i'll just summarise them in a few points.
Things that make me happy!:
1) My free Energy concert 2 mths ago.
2) Bought a ticket to Beyond's very last concert on 15/10/05.
3) Getting on well with my work, colleagues, parents and friendseseses...
4) Went to Johor to eat eat eat and eat and slack.
5) Going to Genting in another few mths time.
6) Got sick last wk, and is feeling much better now.
7) Happy with 381.
8) No more nonsense from 138.
9) I have so much TV programmes to watch lately. Those tt i'll follow to the last episode.( haven't been doing tt for a long time)
10) Naturally with so many happy events i laugh more, smile more, talk more, chat more and of course eat more and enjoy more!
Things that make me Not So Happy:
1) Since i eat more, i think i've put on weight.
2) My dark eye rings are getting permanent and concentrated.
3) Accepting e fact tt i need to slp early.
4) Trying all means to save $$$ (Which means i can't spent much.)
5) Sometimes i just dunno y i can just feel Not So Happy.
Well, shall update again in er... ... x number of weeks... ... >-<"'
Hope all my friends are getting on well with their lives and see you soon!!!

____________________________________________

2005-06-04T05:20:00.000+08:00

4.45am: "Wake up, it stopped. We need to make arrangements, ... ... Try to come down early."
After the msg: My heart went into MI for a mmt, mind totally blanked out,
Now (5.15am): Waiting for an urgent call to take leave, and feeling really really dead, i tot i just slept a few hours ago and i'm awaken by such news. I can't possibly get back to slp again.
What am I to do? I'm lost.
What can i do next? Doing anything normal is abnormal to me now. Today is an abnormal day to start with.
Dear readers (if there's any here cos the tagboard is v inactive),
I wouldn't be updating this blog for some time.
Take Care!
5.30am: Continue stoning and waiting.

What Am I Thinking?

2005-06-02T18:09:00.000+08:00

"Just what am i suppose to do?
I saw him age and suffer day by day, each breath he took adds on to his pain and i really don't know what to hope.
I'm afraid that it'll stop, if it ever stop right before my eyes, my heart is going to stop too.
What is he thinking? To give up or not to give up? What is he holding on to?
Let him go, and he shld let go."

"I've allowed myself to let you go,then only can you be freed. "

Life is nvr tt predictable although you've expected it to come.

2005-05-28T21:29:00.000+08:00

I believe tt some days in your life, you think alot & some days you just take whatever comes along your way. Thinking is a process in life which makes one grow, develop & more conscious abt what you will & are going through. What triggers it can be anyone or anything of any form at any point of time.
Today is the day when i think alot abt life. Not my life, not abt the way i shld live my life, but life in general. No matter what religion or beliefs we have, there'll come a time when we have to go through e 4 basic phrases of life. Birth, Aging, Ill & Death.
I shall focus on Death for now.
"He glanced at me w his fragile eyes when i 1st looked at him. Does he still remember me? I wondered. I wanted to ask if he's feeling ok. But i didn't, not sure if i didn't dare to. At e same time, my defiant mind was banging, opposing my mouth, "Speak up you idiot! This is the last chance!." My mind was defeated, I decided 2 leave e talking 2 those ard me. I just couldn't force myself and wished tt i could telepath to him. For e very 1st time in my life, i felt tt communication was beyond my ability. I nvr felt so reluctant 2 speak my mind.
Why?? I'm so afraid. I'm afraid tt i would break down & cry showing my inner self, i'm such a timid idiot.
He forced himself to speak and nothing but sounds of exhaustion coughed through his teethless mouth. I realised tt he took plenty of effort to even open his mouth. He will nvr again be able to talk to us" I thought.
I could do nothing but allow myself to reminisce those happy mmts few mths ago.
It was CNY, he visited us. He was so healthy back then, i didn't talk much to him & vice versa. It was the language problem. But i'm sure if i could speak tt tougue, we have lots to share. It was just another CNY like before.
Now, he almost like a full scale skeleton lying lifeless on e solemn bed, w all e tubings going through his nose, hands & waist. Seeing all e bruises on both bony arms caused by venipuncture hurts my heart. How much more pain does he has to go through??? Even now if i opened my mouth to speak to him and forget abt e embarrassement of speaking inaccurate Canto , he'll not be able to reply me already. If you really have something to tell anyone, tell him NOW. You'll nvr know when you'll forever lose the chance to do it.
I couldn't stand it, i have no guts 2C him in tt state. But i knew this could be e last chance. I hid my tears, forcing myself 2 look away while i dry them. I thought i was strong but i was weak. I wasn't sure how i shld react, i was trying 2B myself & at e same time cover myself. Too much thoughts, too much emotions, all piercing towards me. I've lost all defence & I'm falling rapidly under. I've lost my arms 2 reach out n all means 2 get up again. I'm buried alive.
We were told 2 prepared 4 e worst. It can be any time nw. If i could drag my every sec 2 extend his life, i would. Beyond that, I don't know, i really don't know, pls save him................"

I'm So Happy!

2005-05-25T01:38:00.000+08:00

Guess what...
I'm so happy!!
Don't really know why, i'm just feeling happy. Seems like at this mmt of my life, nothing can make me sad. Hahaha!! I think i siao already but I'm really really very the happy!
This is an undescrible feeling, which just comes from the bottom of my heart.
I'm soooooooooooooooooooooo happy....
Hope this mmt will nvr end...........................................................................................................

Slight Improvement.

2005-05-13T18:05:00.000+08:00

Hey guys! I'm back after 4 days, this is a slight improvement haha!
Meanwhile i'm waiting for my friend to finish her things before we make our way to our jie mei's birthday!! Ha!
Happy Birthday Gal!
"Whoa! Why is tt girl not here yet! I'm bored stiff & we are really running late! Pls come quick!"

Why Am I Here?

2005-05-09T22:09:00.000+08:00

Why am I here today?
I don't know. Act I came online only with the intention to read my friend's blog.
Ya right, just another kill time tactic... I'm very sleepy nw but I don't wanna slp yet. (Trance state)
I have nothing to talk abt today. I seemed to have made up my mind on something tt i've been bothering abt. But seriously, although it's disturbing, i don't know what it's all abt.
I want to be someone else.
Honestly i'm tired. I'm really tired. Really really really tired. Please let me slp, let me dream, let me fly, fly away from here to a dimension where everything's infinite & plenty of air to breathe. I'm suffoocating... Let me go.

Update for the past one week

2005-05-07T12:38:00.000+08:00

Hi everyone, seems like i prefer to blog only once a week...
Last wk was a totally outdoor wk 4 me, went to Sentosa (Siloso beach) on Sun with e intention of suntanning. To my dismay, e sky turns cloudy e mmt i reached e bloody beach. In e end, i could only enjoy e Moon tan instead. While i was waiting e rest of e grp to arrive, i saw 1 of my friend, Cynthia n decided to ask her to join us. Just as i was abt to do so, i saw another of my friend Johnson! 1 was my sec sch classmate n e other was in e same CCA as me. To my surprise, although they r together in a birthday party at e beach, they don't even know each other??!! How is this possible? Aiyo! Then hor, this is not e ending leh, I saw another friend of mine in tt grp! Siao boh? N then i saw another friend of mine. Altogether there are 5 of my friends in e sama grp! This is crazy man n e world is crazy too.
Well, i made a new friend tt day, he was actually frm NP n he is deaf. Although we do not communicate using e same language we still manage to "talk" to each other tt day. This incident sort of urge me to learn sign language haha! But i know it's just e spur of e mmt.
Wat else did i do... I attended a choral concert @ Esplanade last nite. It comprises of 3 choir grps n e SSO. It was another great exposure to me. But now i noe, i still prefer e instruments playing than e singing. Hahaha! I'm so glad tt i was part of those audiences there last nite.
Hope e following wk will be as interesting as this wk... Seems like my expectations towards my life r getting higher n higher... However i shld always remind myself: You shld be contented.

Why is Rob Thomas married?

2005-04-27T20:41:00.000+08:00

Hey guys i'm finally back... Haha the last time i ever blogged was a month ago.
I've come to sum up what i had done so far for this month. Hmm, i've been to 2 BBQ sessions, 2 movie sessions, 1 guitar lesson, several dinner with my friends. I'm almost broke. I've watched Guess Who? and The Pacifier. Yah... I've changed my preference lately, to hell with those "horror" movies. Waste of my time! My last horror movie, Hide and Seek had disppointed me too much and i no longer have any faith in any horror movies anymore. Vin diesel acted well in The Pacifier and had brought the charachter to live. Honestly,I really like his "boobs" haha!
As for Guess Who?, it's just another Meet the Parents/Fockers movie. Waste money, waste time, waste energy, waste blah blah blah.... ( So what if Ashton Kutcher is a cute guy in tt show?)
Target movie next month? Closer friends of mine will definitely know. Yesh, it's Kingdom of Heaven (blush.. i hope he is still as gd looking this time!) and Triple X part 2 (but dunno when it's showing >_<)
Talking about good looking guys, i had discovered another man whom i wanna qualify under the hall of fame haha! I'm sure you guys have heard of him (Drums rollinggggggggg.......!!!)
Rob Thomas! Whoa hahaha! He look so cool and charismatic in his very new Lonely No More MTV. If he knows me, he will be lonely no more hehe!! Although he didn't danced much, but i like his move with his butt man! Sadly, i've just discovered that he a married man, married to a model wife n has 2 sons-_-"'
For the past 3 weeks, i've been making sure that i'll fully utilised my 24 hrs, keeping myself entertained and entertaining those ard me. I kinda enjoy this kinda life, i'm more Diana than before. Couldn't be more cheerful man! I'm loving my life more and more, so much to the extend that i'll hang on to the very last sec of my life no matter what comes into my life. There are still too much to explore, to learn and to change... ...

Someone just made me feel blessed...

2005-04-02T11:50:00.000+08:00

Every now and then i believe that ppl you meet in your life is actually predestined.
They are somehow arranged to meet you, (or you meet them) and somehow they just help you along the way.
But i know most of the time these people don't stay long in your life journey, they'll leave you and you too have to move on with your life.
It must be a blessing to meet someone like this... ...
And even if you meet one, will you be able to spot him/her? Or will you let the chance slip by because you didn't approach them and know them well enough?
Ppl come and go, you'll nvr know who you'll meet next. Treat everyone the way they deserve and help them as much as you want to be help.
Many thanks to this person J. You've helped me alot alot alot alot alot alot alot alot!!!! Many many many many thanks! Though i know that you are leaving (soon or abit later), but i'm really grateful to know you. It is really unexplainable why you ever walk into my life and among the many ppl you are the least expected hahaha!
Anyway, don't know when you'll be able to see this. I'm just having the urge to express my feelings now.
I sincerely hope that you'll be a happier person no matter where you are and don't think too much. Spent some time on yourself. What else.... don't worry abt it, all of your feelings are perfectly normal. Last but not least, take care.

2005-03-31T01:03:00.000+08:00

It took me so long just to sign in; I thought this blogger is down….
Was looking at my blog and realized that the last time I ever blogged was almost a month ago!! There is so much to say and comment on, and I don’t know where to begin with.
Miraculously, I’m not as happy as I thought I would be after yearning for this day to arrive. I thought I’d shout it out loud that it’s over, but I didn’t. I just feel that I had to suppress my feelings abit. Showing so much happiness yesterday was not that appropriate as the 2 words “Last Day” doesn’t simply only means “Last Paper” to me. Looking at the happy faces around me esp those few who mean a lot to me makes me happy. But as we bid goodbye at the end of the day, I ask myself this “When will it be out next meet up?”
This is because this is not just the last paper of the semester, and we will not meet in lectures and tutorials ever again. This is the issue I dare not bring up that night.
But then, that’s not all what I wanna say here today. I have a question which has been on my mind and I think I shld share it with all of you.
When you look at someone in front of you, have you ever wonder if he/she is truly who he/she is? Imagine this is a class situation.
"Is the guai1 kia4 of the class really someone that innocent? Is the pai2 kia4 in the class really that rebellious and trouble-seeking? Now I feel that the so-called guai1 kia4 is actually a pai2 kia4, and there is a ko liang kia in the class complaining to me abt a kia si lang’s attempt-to-cheat case. What shld I do? It’s too late to do anything but I’ll be the guai4 kia4 to tell everyone this, DON’T ACT GUAI1 IF YOU ARE NOT ONE."
The above story is for all the hypocrites in the world. Will be most glad if you are one reading this. Love ya lots!

Last Project before graduation

2005-03-13T12:34:00.000+08:00

"Hi everyone! Let me tell you something interesting.
I'm dealing with an extremely exciting Bioinformatics project which is exclusively facinating that i was engrossed in it for 10 hours yesterday. Oh my! I almost forgot to go home and stayed up in my friend's house until a quarter past midnight. I was never that enthusiatic about projects before, you know what i mean? Well, i couldn't resist but to wake up early this morning to work on it again. I'm feeling that i'm the reincarnate of Albert Einstein.
Have you ever done such an exquisite project?
It's not one that will win me a nobel prize but it's the "whoa" factor of this project you know?
The lecturer, so kind, so helpful, so suggestive, how inspired she made me feel... Her comments were so constructive and encouraging, i told myself tt i shouldn't let her down and finish the project no matter what it takes.
I love you Dr... I've never felt so affectionate towards anyone in my life.
But sadly i'm graduating soon and will definitely miss you alot."
But I Will Never Forget You.
REST IN PEACE YOU@#$%^&*!!!!!!!!!

2 Friends Left Me In A Day

2005-02-27T20:32:00.000+08:00

I woke up early this morning to rush to the Airport to send my friend off...
It was my 1st time sending a friend off and i really don't know what to say to him.
Feeling sad but at the same time happy for him. Home-Sweet-Home.
Bon Voyage!!
After lunch, we made our long journey back home. As it was raining heavily, we decided to go somewhere else to walk-walk first... so we went JP. While shopping i happened to see my long lost Pri sch classmate! Really happy to see her and she had changed alot alot alot... Hee, i'm quite impressed cos i still managed to recognise her after so many years. In fact she was only my classamate for about 2 years, which means we haven't come into contact for 9 yrs so to speak...
At that mmt, plenty of memories flashed back to me and i just can't stop smiling at her as we talk abt ourselves back in those days...
Felt bad cos i had no recollection of the many names she recalled. How bad a friend i am huh?
Finally she asked: Do U still remember Doreem?
D.T: Ya!! Finally i remember one of them!!! Hahaha! Finally man!
She: Do you know?? She...
D.T: I dunno... (Act, i wanna say: Don't tell me she's married.... Luckily i didn't)
She: Huh sure or not?
Without saying a word, she bend her pointer finger twice...
No. She didn't mean to curse me or whatever...
My ex-classmate, Doreen has passed away.
She had Leukaemia aft she entered Sec Sch, and what she told me was she had Jaundice too. (Sorry BMS mates and friends, i didn't mean to talk abt our course here but seriously think abt it, they are connected, and i think u guys know y liao...)
D.T: So when did she... (I couldn't force myself to say "passed away".)
She: December last yr.
She must have suffered alot, from sec sch until last yr, how many yrs? Almost 7 yrs of struggling and fighting for her life, having to undergo Chemotherapy and being an immunocompromised patient...
Finally, she lost the battle and left us.
Doreem, although you may not be ablt to see this still i want to tell you this: I am sorry that i was not able to see you off for the last time. I still have the photos which all of us took together, but i had no courage to look at it yet. Prob i need more time... All the times we used to have shall always be remembered in my heart and may you rest in peace.

K-box at Jurong Entertainment

2005-02-19T22:10:00.000+08:00

Whoa! Everything today was very last min...
My clique and I went to KTV today, although it was "planned" few days ago. But guess what, due to all the stupid miscommunications we had the nite before, we nearly blew up the entire outing...
"Ok i can" "Erm... shld be ok" "Ok! it's settled, at 2pm at Jurong Entertainment!, i do the bookings!"
"I think it's abit too ex!""Ok i think we cancel it" "Sorry i need to cancel my booking made earlier today"
"See you tml!!!!"
???? ???? ????
"What is goin on?" "Are we meeting??"" Ok ok meet at 1.45pm"
Finally i rushed out of my house at 1.45pm... ^_^"'
If u don't understand the above dialogue, it's fine. Only ppl who underwent today's hectic outing will get it.
But still! I get to sing my fave songs, and enjoyed myself. Hope you all did too guys!!!

Spur of a moment

2005-02-10T22:45:00.000+08:00

K.R: "My name is John."
K.R: "John Constantine"
D: "Does it really worth doing so much just for a reprieve?"

Big Year No. 1

2005-02-08T10:58:00.000+08:00

Whoa haha! I'm in sch now, so sickening...
Attending this stupid Bioinformatics practical lesson and trying to find things to occupy myself before going to my relative's house for REUNION DINNER!!!!
I have a new and realistic goal. I'm almost sure that i can reach it and i'm dumping all my hopes onto it.
I guess now i've found a new direction in life.
***All The Best!!***

Keeping my mouth shut.

2005-02-03T22:24:00.000+08:00

What the hell is happening to my mouth these days? Is it that it blah out all the rubbish and make everyone so fed up talking to me?
Not so.
I didn't really talk tt much, but i just dunno why. Ppl nowadays get so worked up cos i said something and ended up making me feel that i'm at fault.
I'm innocent.
I don't think tt i'm wrong but still i'm wrong.
If these goes on, i'm not going to care. To hell with it.
Yes i've made up my mind.
Once and for all, i'll only speak when i have to.

Too much

2005-02-02T22:55:00.000+08:00

I've made too many people unhappy.
You may be one of them again.

Gossiping

2005-01-30T16:47:00.000+08:00

I've seen something recently in my life.
I saw it in a movie whose the director was me, the actors are real live human beings in this world and the screenwriter is none other the ppl themselves.
The theme is simple, something that everyone has heard of and talked abt. You may be in one of them. Gossips.
Gossiping is usually done on someone whom the gossiper doesn't know much abt and has no authority at all for judging as well. At the same time, trying to pass on the self-opinionated msges to ppl ard him.
Self-opinionated msges were usually inspired from sources like SMS, Emails, photos, newspapers and the now most popular Blogs! (Are they the slaves or the servants??? )
Comments based on unrealistic, unreal and non-living sources are particulary an evil and selfish method to express oneself's uncertainty and displeasure towards the target.
Usually the believers will be motivated by the intriguing opinion of that person which was always self-assured tt they will be kept within closed doors.
With the curiousity to find out more, they will pay extra attention or investigate the evidence given by the gossiper to justify if the opinion is true.
After the verdict is out, the target is condemned as long as his/her is with them.
Sentenced to death.
By Judge Gossiper and
and the Juries: the prejudiced and ignorants.
Are you the victim of the above unjustice or the native listener ever being brain-washed by the judge?
Wake up!!! Be yourself! Who cares what the rest says, you lead yr own life, see the world with yr own eyes!!
-----The Above Movie has been nominated for all the awards in Oscars-------------------

After my last common test

2005-01-28T23:15:00.000+08:00

Today! Is! Over!!!!!!
Haha my last common test in NUH is over, it's really worth celebrating but still i didn't really celebrate today...
One of my friend is sick, another friend is stressed up over an assignment, another took part in a dancing competition organised by LIME called Funkamania and guess what he won the top prize! Whoa! Congrats to you! Hmmm, what else, saw 4 ppl from my club today, and they just happen to be there without meeting b4 hand! What a coincidence! Alot of my friends' blog were crashed. I can't see them for the time being.
I'm abit sian now so i'm beginning to crap already...
Thinking of my paper a mmt ago, whoa the d*mn paper hor! What kinda of MCQ are they and those short answer qns... esp those Management qns, i think i'm really not a manager kinda person. I'm a Piscean you know... I only live and rule my own world.

My This My Last Study Week

2005-01-24T01:37:00.000+08:00

Hey!!! Yo!! I'm kinda happy now, cos it's my last study week this week...
And this Friday is my last Common Test!!!!
I just checked out my calender, there are 10 more wks to grduation!!
Did nothing much today, it's just another day of my life. I guess it's good to lead a normal n monotonous life.
Watched Twins Effects 2 on SCV, wa piangz... ... so lame... luckily i didn't spend $$ to watch it in the cinemas. The only thing tt's worth looking at is Daniel Wu!!! ^-^V!!
Found one blog regarding the Tsunamis, i've read through and I find it quite nice. Maybe you guys wanna check it out. http://tsunamihelp.blogspot.com/

Just Another Day Yet Felt So Special

2005-01-14T16:57:00.000+08:00

Today is just another day to me, yet it felt so special.
I really dunno why... ... I left the boring place at 4pm with my partner and took the shuttle bus before changing another bus home. Maybe it's all planned...
I met my friend whom i've met for a long time on the bus, we talked abt each other's life and touched abit on other ppl's whom we both know. I've not been seeing them lately and was really eager to find out if they are goin on fine. It always happens, when i asked i'm expecting some gd news and at least one bad news as well. I'm not evil or what, but it just happens. I have the feeling in me... When i asked tt qns, i "knew" tt there will be some not-so-good things to hear abt.
Another friend of mine injured his leg while playing a bb game. Nah, just a fall... ...
No.
I heard tt he needs an operation to recover fully.
I really dunno how he is doing now. I'm not in contact with him anymore but i'm just hoping tt it's not something really really bad. It's abit awkward if i were to SMS to ask him cos this happens long time ago. Ha! Some kinda friend i am...
To maintain a constant friendship with a friend is really tough. I dunno what will happen in future to my relationship to you (the one who's reading this). Maybe we'll meet again, maybe not. Maybe we'll walk past each other & wave maybe not. Maybe we'll get invited to each other's wedding, maybe not. But let's hope for the best. *-*V'
Hehehe... i'm not feeling depressed or whatever, i'll try to talk more crappy and happy stuffs in future k guys?

What a fortune!

2005-01-11T22:49:00.000+08:00

Many ppl have been into my life and left without a trace, some ppl left an impact in it, but few still remains in it.
I'm grateful and thankful tt in my life i'm able to meet those ppl who is willing to stay in it. I know they are not ppl whom i shld take for granted. Sadly, those ppl will only show up in times when you felt lost and nowhere to run and hide. Sadly also because bad things had to happen to bring out these guys. Which one will you rather choose to have?
1) To haf something bad happened so tt u can see them
OR
2) To haf ppl ard you, and hoping tt bad things nvr happen?
No matter what you choose it's still impt to treasure them as much as you can in any case they are the ones you'll need in time to come. Ppl are not ard you for any specific reasons. They are here cos they are like you, someone who needs care and concern.
I'm glad tt i have some ppl in my life who are like this. Thank you.

What Happened This Year?

2005-01-08T01:19:00.000+08:00

Too many problems to solve, i really dunno what to do.
This year has not been kind to me, maybe i should really sit down and stone for the rest of my life to prevent any misfortune to happen. I need to make alot of decisions & plans in order to make my current (or at least e next few mth's) life smoother. Been thinking alot these days, i really dunno how it can help make me feel better but i just wanna sink myself into my thoughts and get lost in them...
I'm just too messed up. I'm going nowhere & i'm definitely sick of it.
I shld persevere, who knows maybe tml all the probs can be settled all of a sudden? I can only wait & try 2B more optimisstic day by day.

Indian Ocean Earthquake and Tsunamis

2005-01-01T23:08:00.000+08:00

The tragedy of the Indian Ocean Earthquake and Tsunamis, i know i know this is probably a boring topic to blog abt, everyone's probably talking abt this in their blog...
But i still wanna talk abt it.
Saw the news today, didn't expect to hear any gd news. The news showed videos of how those strong tidal waves rises and gushes towards the land, drowning thousands of lives and flooding once relaxing and beautiful resorts, i seriously felt the fear. I almost sat there frozened. "Tsunamis took away lives lah, ppl not found lah," those are what ppl said. "I'm sad lah, so ke lian lah" those are what ppl felt. Those are what those ppl who are sitting in their comfortable chairs said. I felt v depressed act although i nvr talk abt it. No Point. Who isn't sad abt it???
The news reported how the land was supposed to look like b4 the incident, almost 1/2 of the land went undersea aft the tragic incident. Sounds like the sea was hungry...
Now, aft the Earthquake and Tsunamis, ppl now fear for the Waterborne Diseases...
Non-stop terror. Psychiatrists are going to get more jobs in yrs to come... Who knows maybe i'll need one soon? Or we, the future medical technologists will spent our youths in the lab detecting new viruses?
Can YOU just stop taking away lives? How many can satisfy YOU? Are YOU just sick to see humans ard enjoying their lives? YOU are just prob jealous... that's y YOU decided to take it way...
Sorry guys i'm just a little un-me today... Forgive me.

My cough and 2005

2005-01-01T01:57:00.000+08:00

It's my 1st blog of 2005!
Well, just like everyone else i hope tt this will be a better yr for me.
I'm sure this yr will be like the last, when i will expect alot of changes in me and things to happen. One of them will be graduation, i know it's sad but now i can only see the good side of it.
Another will the time when i found my very 1st job with my Diploma in Biomedical Science certificate... How will it be like, stay tune to my blog and u will found out more!
Hmmm, i'm watching Jay Chou's MTV which i bought a few hrs ago. (which meant i bought it last yr) I went to Thai Express and found where my threshold was haha! Seriously, if i could stay on i will definitely finish the second bowl of Tom Yam. I don't care if my lips will swell...
I've been coughing non-stop for the past few days, my New Year's gift... While watching the MTVs, i tried to sing along, well it has always been a pleasure to sing along with "him" though. But, i cough every other phrase... sian... >_<"' How to carry on?
Found a couple of songs from Blade Trinity's OST, hmm guess my taste is changing again. I began to like grunge music! Hahaha!
Wanna thank all the friends who shouted my name and listening to my performance on Wednesday, haha i had a great time with my partner trying to fit in the An Jing. The response from the audiences were kinda expected but i'm still very shocked by it. Haiz, but i know abt my "throw-face" act, which is the page turning part. I'm so heng ah! If i were to play wrongly my partner will skin my alive man!! Luckily i'm alert enuff to flip back... ... Phew! Wat a stupid thing to do... I'm sure it's obvious, go ahead and laugh guys... ... At least it's one thing i've done tt made this performance specially unforgetable to me...
Goodbye 2004, i'll miss you, but not too often.

Migraine and my thoughts

2004-12-25T21:39:00.000+08:00

I'm having a slight migraine now, sian can't even enjoy my X'mas in peace sia...
Everything seems perfect today xcept my stupid brain which thinks just 2 much. Tt's y i haf such an immerse desire 2 blog.
I watched a HK series this morning, a scene act struck me alot.
{As Man X was on his way 2 wk, he found tt a guy trying 2 hang himself on e tree near by. Man X later found out tt he owed alot of $ & was feeling despaired. Man X helped him by offering to clear his debts only if this guy is willing 2 wk 4 him. The guy was so grateful & replied: "Oh thanks, i really dunno wat 2 do 2 repay u, but my life is yours."
A few yrs later, Man X had a dispute w/ this guy & accidentally murdered him. This case was brought up 2 court. Man X claimed tt he had e rights 2 kill him as he has ever saved his life since this guy was supposed 2B dead! He was e 1 who gave him a 2nd chance 2 live.} It's a drama, so of course in e end e murderer was sentenced 2 death.
But let's put all yr CME lessons aside, do u think he has e rights 2 haf control of his life & death although he had saved his life?
Haf u ever wondered, you might b killed wrongfully 1 day jux bcos of what u said? What if i'm killed becos of wat i mentioned in my blog? Or maybe i'm gonna be condemned for e rest of my life bcos of it? There's freedom of speech in S'pore but how many appreciates tt? How many went up 2 e speaker's corner 2 share their views? (Or rather how many bothers 2 listen 2 those who share)
Fear. The fear of being 'targeted', e fear of being condemned & misunderstood. But tt's common & definitely normal. Wat abt those who aren't afraid 2 share whatever's on their minds? What will you think of em? Fake? Abnormal? Trouble-makers? Would you rather be defeated by Fear of by The others ard u?
Although i don't scold anyone or talked abt anyone in my blog but sometimes i feel tt words r really strong weapons tt kills. I'm not much of a language person but still i hope tt my tots can be understood. I haf e tendency 2 let my tots run wild but i nvr let them out, cos this side of me just doesn't manifests & most ppl prefer 2 live their live talking abt realistic topics. Me... w/o e language power & courage 2 bring up my inner thoughts here often envy those who does. Although they seem diff in their style of communication, but they r capable of converting their spontaneous tots into words. More often than not, they r disguise of real feelings. I usually appreciates them as a piece or art as it often leads me into e deeper side of e person & not away from e person...
Funny tt how much a simple HK drama can make me ponder. But to me it's worth giving it a thought though.

I'm went to Foon Yew and i'm back at 12:15am

2004-12-19T01:35:00.000+08:00

I went to Foon Yew Sch in JB this afternoon to perform in their annual concert together with my other friends from NPS. Hmmm, probably only a 5 mins ride from the customs of Malaysia. IF! there's no traffic conjestion. So if i say i left sch at 3pm, you expected me to reach there by 4pm. BUT!!! I reach at abt 5.30pm. Haha! We walked along the causeway in the rain and walked through the streets, walked into a shopping centre and waited for the bus to fetch us to the sch. We were welcomed by 4 students of Foon Yew at the customs actually and they were friendly and warm. I felt their sincerity & appreciated them. They showed us ard & intro a few places (where u can eat great nasi lemak lah, mee rebus lah, HK tim sum lah etc) Their sch is a combination of sec and high sch and it's an independent chinese sch. Signboards were all in traditional chinese, and you can see a statue of Confucious rite in front of the entrance to the main lobby. Right at the front of the sch is a... Sea! What else... the sch has 97 yrs of history and it looks old. They haf basic facilities and hostles and many blks of building (come on, there's even one whole blk of building for Libary!!)
Walking into the sch makes me feel as though i'm back to my parent's sch haha! But they are like anyone of us. They speaks gd chinese, far better than alot of us and they put up a great performance. Althought their sch were not as new as schs in Singapore, but they are not at all inferior. They haf many talented and gd players at least.
Besides happy stuffs to share there are also unhappy ones. My performance was a cock up one, i guess it's the Grand Piano's fault. I'm too stressed by it. All along i dreamt of playing one and yet i ruined it. I must admit tt i didn't put in alot of effort in practising this song, to be frank i could haf done better. At the same time, luck was totally not with me, the lightings were not to my favour, my shadows covered the entire 1 side of the bk, i had to "feel" my keys and "imagine" the notes to play. I was really sad tt i sobbed immediately i got down the stage, i felt humiliated by their applause, at the same time feeling remorseful.
My partner didn't mind my mistakes, and well, he tot tt he had made unpardonabel mistakes but he took it well, he suggested tt we shld learn from this performance. I agreed.
Ahem!!! Alright this is my 3rd time playing piano accompaniment, i think it's experience tt i lacked. And i will not give up, i do a better the next time. I hope... ...
Hmmm to add on, it's really impt tt i don't feel too stressed and anxious b4 performance, i admit i was today, cos the thought of me going to play the Grand makes me so. My anxiety spoils it all, i rather i was playing on a normal piano instead. I really haf to learn to control my pre-performance feelings.
It took me 3 hrs to get bk to S'pore. Shld haf eaten something in JB... I had to squeeze myself all the way up to the customs, took a long bus ride to S'pore's custom and took a Taxi back to sch (luckily can claim ah!) Hahaha!
I'm eating instant noodles rite nw, although i had dinner, i guess i stressed too much tt i used up alot of energy.
I'm thankful tt i was given a chance to perform in JB's Foon Yew sch, a learning experience indeed, there are so many i could learn from them.
Cheers to my next few performances!!!!

Change of Email add

2004-12-15T23:09:00.000+08:00

Yo!
I'm goin to make use of this chance to announce tt i've decided to change my MSN messenger add to dtzl8505@hotmail.com. Kindly add me if i haven't added you yet thanks. It's alot of wk...
Hmmm, thinking alot abt myself today... y i did this, y i did that... haiz, i'm so pathetic. Can't i just be more "Fang4 De2 Kai1"??? Tsk, just do whatever i wanna do to make myself happy lah? But i think i'm not tt strong to do it. I'll always think tt i rather let myself down then letting others down. To think tt i've called someone the other day and scolded tt person... i guessed tt person just overstepped the border lah... I somehow felt bad abt it but i really wanted to stand up and voice out. At tt time, i realised how angry i could get. So, i'm not as "tolerant" as i thought i was ...
Not bad lah, i've only been angry with my friends twice so far. I hope to keep that record. To be frank, i was so shocked by how angry i got the other day, i can't believe tt i could really call someone up & yell! Just very un-me to do tt. Tsk i used my HP somemore, waste of talktime...
I haf nothing else to say liao, lost of inspiration =(

2nd blog of the day

2004-12-04T01:06:00.000+08:00

Hi everyone! I'm very happy today cos the outing today was a v succesful one. Also very relaxing and carefree. Talked abt Harry's, the bar at Esplanade today, i'm looking forward to it... I shld haf mentioned abt it earlier to my friends, but i still like e idea of going there after sch reopens, it lightens me up. Wrote my wishes at one of the lamp post at Esplanade today, hope it'll come true. I'll definitely wait for that day to come... ... Please come... ...
I've a very interesting story here to share: Enjoy!
An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to LA when the American turned to the Japanese and asked, "What kind of -ese are you?" Confused, the Japanese replied, "Sorry but I don't understand what you mean." The American repeated, "What kind of -ese are you?" Again, the Japanese was confused over the question. The American, now irritated, then yelled, "What kind of -ese are you? Are you a Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese...?" The Japanese then replied, "Oh, I am Japanese." A while later the Japanese turned to the American and asked, "What kind of -kee are you?" The American, frustrated, yelled, "What do you mean what kind of -kee am I?" The Japanese said, "Are you a Yankee, donkee or monkee?" Lesson III - Never INSULT anyone.

Shit man project!

2004-12-03T14:40:00.000+08:00

What e *ell, i'm nw @ ORI, editing my stupid report again. Done it like 4eva already! Here since 11am & nw it's 2.50pm. Not e record breaking kind, but i'm really tired. It's done already & sent 4 grading. My report, better bring me luck! Anyway i'm not goin 2 touch u ever again! Yo ho! Meetin 2 friends later, it was a last min decision!. I'm sian of staying here & go hm straight loh! Lookin @ my "Jaytistic" blog makes me feel charged up again! Friends, i'm flying 2 meet u nw!

A brand new look!

2004-12-02T15:36:00.000+08:00

...
Hey! This is my blog's new look. Finally found a nice one to change. Sorry, i'm still v obsessed with him at the mmt... I've added a song, i guess that's the only diff apart from the previous one. Due to this template, i think it wouldn't be nice if my entry is too long, and i've realised tt i typed alot last time! Oh my! When i saw my friend's blog, their entries were quite short... I guess i need a change this time.

26-11-04-8.30pm

2004-11-27T01:31:00.000+08:00

26/11/04 8.30pm
Yoyoyo! I'm back! After a 3-hour concert, my battery is completely flat now. Without this concert, i really didn't know tt i can sing so many of his songs without looking at the lyrics. Hmmm, saw 4 of my friends today... Such a coincidence. Also, i didn't noe the feeling of a fan in a concert until I screamed, yelled, and sang at the top of my lungs hoping him to hear me and of course rush and squeezed myself to the utmost front to scap a few gd shots of him.
Most of the time i'm singing along and fantasizing while he played the piano and the chinese flute. Piano= Light Pink Yamaha Grand. Whoa lao!! I rather be his piano than his fan wahahaha! Hmm, the flute also not bad (Cos closer contact...). He danced pretty well, not as bad as he tot actually and was really cool when he "sparred" with the other dancer with a sword. The only disppointing thing was he & Landy didn't sing Wu Ding. Haiz... But still he sang ALL my fave songs haha! (I think he can read my mind...) and the Crucifix! It was the very 1st thing i saw in the concert.
Erm... Closest distance??? Hyahyahya!!! ONE METRE~ Why? Reason is: Says who someone who bought a $98 tiks will not get a gd view?? With desperation and confidence to SqUeEzE~ You can squeeze all the way to the front. I ended up in the $124 seat. >,< Can't 4get e mmt when he was directly in front of me, almost singing into my face. Kena "gan3" by those ppl there, but who cares??!! In such a concert, nobody cares abt them lah, they shld be happy tt they watch it for free k? Nan2 Quan2 Mama was also there, altogether with Jay, the atmosphere of the concert was promoted to the ultimate level. They showed all their talents and of course none can be compared to the Multi-talented Mr. Chou. The encore song was Qi Li Xiang. Everyone in the stadium was singing together and the feeling was indescribable. I was surrounded by many ppl who like him like i do, i guess this the difference bet being in a concert with many artistes and a solo concert.
Well, a singer like him... What else can you expect in life? Talents, fame, girls, being able to do what you desire most, who cares abt studies? Think abt now, here in Singapore, i'm sure no one will understand these until u see this guy on stage. Probably makes you ponder abit abt yr goals in life, if u had e talents like him, which path will you choose?

2004-11-25T23:51:00.000+08:00

Hey Jay!

What??? Today is 26th November?? Wahahaha!! Finally man!!! This is the day!! The time now is 12.10am. Still awake thinking abt the one and only one event i have later today in the evening. At where?? huh?? Indoor Stadium?? Zhuo si mi?? kua Zhou Jie Lun lah, ah bo? kua lo kun ah!! whoa piangz....

Hehehe! I've got it all ready. Can say tt i'm loaded with energy n enthusiasim n i'm all ready to lose my voice within hours. Trying to make myself tired enuff to slp now but... kinda tough, i keep thinking of him oh~~12345678, 12345678 ni2 ta2 wo3 ba4... ...Can practically visualise his finger running through those ivory keys, singing, smiling, posing, strumming, playing the cello and of course singing in front of the magificent crucifix specially made for . Hmmm, will try to snap some photos of that part.

Apart from the concert later that spurs me to update my blog, the past 2 weeks of non-stop events also made me so happy that i wanna talk abt abit here. This is my last vacation as a Ngee Ann Biomedical Science student hahaha! Been having...

1 pool session, 3 KTV sessions, 1 performance in sch, been to 1 concert( Ya!! Jay Chou!), watched 4 movies(Taxi, Princess Diary 2, Shutter and Cellular),1 dinner at Seoul Garden, 1 dinner at Sakae Sushi, 1 dinner at Swensens, 1 BBQ(coming this Sunday), 1 house warming, read 1 story book (aiming to read another 2 more), and uncountable coffee sessions at Starbucks and Coffee Bean. Oh ya! Several DVD and VCD sessions too, both with friends and alone. Hahaha! To be more precise, out of the many shows i've rented, 4 of them were Thai shows. Ya i like Thai, including the language and the.... guys....and some gals. Hmmm, that's all i can remember will add on if i happen to recall. But i'm sure that's not the end yet. Or rather i'll not let my vacation end just like that...

In case i don't log in again before sch reopens, i hereby wishes you all the best and enjoy our LAST SEMESTER!!! Hooray!!!! Yeah!!!! Ban Sai!!!! Wan4 Shui4!!!! Yes Babe!!!!! See Ya Later Jay!!

A fantastic day out with NPS

2004-11-15T01:12:00.000+08:00

A very long day, woke up early n slping late tonight. Tiring yet enjoyable. Ytd, i went to the Motor show before rushing off for a performance in school. Hahaha!! Shhh, don't tell my club members, cos i'm suppose to reach by 12, knowing tt there's nothing much to do lah, so i "pon" loh!!! It's worth it k? Seeing all the awesome sportscar and the show by Russ Swift, meeting him in person and ask for his autograph and most interesting of all, getting a ride in the Subaru car (not driven by him lah of course!!) The ride was very exciting, i felt as though i was being tossed out of the car by e driver. Cool man!!! Once in a lifetime kinda experience, but all thanks to my friend's friend's lobang lah. My fave car was the SAAB 93 Convertible haha!! will put up the photo next time to show it to all of you...
Today, happening day. Woke up early to eat Dim Sum with my relatives, and joined 24 of my CCA friends at K-box. We occupied 3 rooms, for the first time in my life k... ... I hopped from one room to another, singing from one room to another... I almost went to the wrong room, hahaha!!! i sort of signalled someone in the next room thinking that my friends were in there, then opps!! they all looked at me like i'm an Ah Siao liddat... All my voice are gone... Singing and shouting hahaha!! for the fun and we were dancing on the sofas like nobody's busimess... Really long time time since i last been crazy, sick of being so serious actually, to be exact i wasn't giving the chance to. Being with my CCA friends allows me to be crazy ha! The eccentric side of me. I think it's healthy to let the other side of me out. Being happy is the most impt thing, but still very often i'm bothered by how ppl ard me thinks of me, a gal not being lady-like, still so childish etc etc. But i've come to realise that, there're times for you to get serious n time for enjoyment and play. Y act mature on the outside when you actually have the desire to play? Y restrict myself bcos that's something tt the others are not doing? Can always find those who are doing the same n enjoy myself with them rite? My CCA friends are very impt to me, with them i feel more like a poly student, with them i feel younger, with them i feel free, with them i feel that my life is more fulfilling, and that's where i can find all my long lost laughters. I just feel that i'm myself.
Ok, i've "side-tracked". After the KTV and dinner, there's a part 2. We play pool, opening 4 tables and linger there til 11.45pm. Haiz, v long didn't play pool for that long already, just like i'm back to my sec sch days. My CCA friends are very much like my sec sch friends. Very different from my course mates. Ppl are different.
But i've realised that after these 2 yrs, something in me hasn't changed. That surprised me, not going to disclose what it is that hasn't change, it's something personal. But i'm just surprised, cos the kinda feeling that i've not had for a long time is coming back to me. I feel original n normal.
Seriously i dunno what i've been typing so far, i'm too tired already. Still i wanna at least type something in my blog regarding this happening day, so i "ying4 chou2" myself loh.

2004-11-07T02:12:00.000+08:00

Sudety

Hi, i feel that i should update my blog today before i get too busy to come online again. Nothing much of my vacation life has changed since the last time i blogged hmmm, just a couple of things worth commemorating. Went to Changi Airport with my friends the other day with the anxiety to taste my favourtie grilled fish at Hans, but never did i expect that we failed to find out where it is! Seriously i myself nvr knew tt there's any Hans restaurant there... Ha! However, i wasn't disappointed. We ended up enjoying ourselves at Swensen's at Terminal 1. It was a day without worries, in fact that time i prefer to talk less and allow myself to be embraced in the perfect ambience. Much of it was due to the rain, rainy days made me more emotional, that's when i feel the most. I saw a very cool plane there, a Qantas airbus which is a very cute "Qanti". Haha! Those who were there will understand this. Really silly to mention here without you guys knowing what it is... I've tried looking for a pic of it but to no avail. I guess it's fate... (^-^)\/ My MSN is geting quiet these days, it's either i dun feel like chatting to those who are online, or they just haf nothing to kay po to me. Once i was invited to chat with a grp of my friends, i parked there after exchanging those "hi" " helo" yo!" "alo" and what else... "yes", "ya loh", "izzit", "yup" etc etc etc. I had my reasons ok, they can argue abt y didn't another person went to a doc when she's sick tt day, who's in the grp, y it rained all day and lots of other nonsensesssssssssss (That's what Gollum always says). Enuff with the complaints and what i did (blah blah blah...) Just checked out the on the internet, the extended version of Lord of the Rings, Return of The King is out by Dec 14th IN USA. So it's probably coming soon.

2004-11-03T13:19:00.000+08:00

Up side down

When i looked at the date of my last entry, OMG!! So outdated... Like myself with my CCA. Haven't been back for months, they've moved on pretty fast. I need to make up for all the practices i've missed and start to prepare for my coming concert next Sat. This week is probably an auspicious week for outings, KTV lah, Badminton lah, movies lah, come on., this week is also an auspicious week for my stupid project.
Going to finish my 1st story book this vacation, my preference hasnt changed, i still reading horror. Sometimes role-playing that i'm the murderer(which is only revealed at the end) and the main character, but more as the mysterious murderer. Hey you know, in such stories the murderer has as much brains as the guts to kill his victim. I was reading it last night, i got so engrossed that i felt hypnotised by the words.
Suddenly a small ticking sound from the surrounding struck me hard back to reality, immoblised on my bed for a moment feeling lost even in my own room. My body probably came back b4 my brain which is probably still floating within the book. I felt a little numbness on my fingers and limbs, i'm beginning to feel again, my brain has finally found it's way back to it's skull.
Like hangover, i staggered towards the radio and switch it on, still feeling scared and suspicious of my surrounding. The fear was more intense than watching a horror movie, that shows how powerful and immerse an imaginative mind can get. I'm only an inch away from being a schizophrenic.
Project has brought me here to update my blog, it's also the reason for my leaving. Meeting my project mate at 2pm.
Will update ASAP, no promises.
No special reason for putting up this pic, for entertainment sake.

2004-09-26T01:22:00.000+08:00

Beyond

It has been very long since i last find the time to update my blog, been trying to keep myself awake during my attachment, but just can't seem to. By the time i reached home, i thought abt nothing else but slp. A few weeks ago, i was very troubled. I shld say, it was the most troubling wk of my polylife. Nvr been in such a situation that i'll really sit down and think about my doings. In retrospect, i will just ignore and take it as a misfortune. That time was when i got really serious, due to some reasons, this problem can't be enclosed here. I thought i was strong, thought i could swallow my tears and let them be digested and out the next day. However, they took a different path that day. I was alone sitting in front of the radio, pondering what went wrong and what i could do to savour the situation, a song sounded so conforting captured me. I paid special attention to it, it was my fave song of all times, Beyond's Kuang Hui Shui Yue. Immediately after the song ended, i took out their album started playing it. I finally gave in to my emotions and the song, I cried. Yes yes yes i'm 19 going 20 next yr. I'm not embarrassed that everyone knows that i cried. I did that so that i can still be forgiving, i did that so that i can forget. I did that so that i can remind myself that live goes on no matter what happens. I felt very much better the next day, i had to thank my CD for that. Beyond, an HK rock band formed 20 yrs ago and was very famous back then until a tragedy had demolished the hopes of their fans in 1993 when the lead singer cum composer Wong Ka Kui passed away after a 1-week tough struggle after a fall from the stage in Japan during their promotional tour. Ever since, the grp remains but deep inside everyone's hearts, they know, someone is missing. 4 yrs later, a heartwarming concert was held and announced that it would be the last concert. 4 yrs isn't long at all esp for his bro, he was reminded of Ka Kui as he represented his bro in singing most of the songs. That night, he decided to dedicate a song to his bro but in the midst of it, he couldn't help it and broke down in tears, at that very mmt, he wanted to give up. He explained that he couldn't get use to being in a band of 3 instead of 4, and thought tt his voice was bad and couldn't make up for his bro and probably had disppointed the fans that night. The other band mate Paul consoled him " 'he' has always been here, can't you feel him??" After a mmt of silence, he decided to carry on with the next song, Hai Kuo Tian Kong. It was the most unforgettable mmt, when the fans motivated and encouraged him to sing to the end by accompanying him throughout the entire song. I was touched after watching it in the KTV for the first time, i almost cried. For years i've been searching for the concert and was finally found last wk after 4 yrs. Just as i was wondering how they had been, i managed to get the 2003's concert! They've grown up alot, and after so many yrs, the fans were still as supportive as b4. Isn't this what a singer wants? To be remembered and appreciated after so long? What else more can they expect? I would have supported them if i was in HK,but i think, it was already very lucky of me to be able to appreciate them and their songs afterall they are not very popular in S'pore nowadays. There are so many times i listened to their songs when i was down and alone, and so many times their songs had help me up and encouraged me to move on. They shall always be remembered and hereby i thank Ka Kui for leaving behind such wonderful compositions although i still think that you've left us way too early. But your words and lyrics will always remain. "In Life, What Matter Most Is What You've Done Not What You've Achieved"

2004-09-06T22:47:00.000+08:00

Marbleized Piano ; From Steinway & Sons!

Hmmm!! A brand new day of the week. The week before last i spent my Saturday in the Padang singing my way in the Z-pop concert. Went there with a bunch of friends in which there are ppl i know and i don't. Made a couple of friends as usual. They are a grp of friends which i always nvr stop envying, they are so close and very enthu bunch of ppl. Needless to say, very onZ too!! The singers who were there were Z chen, JJ, Huang Yi Da, Stella (er... not my fave), Sun Ho (dunno what to say) and the FIR!!!!! Whoa!! they are really fabulous, the band brought the entire atmosphere to the maximum. I bet most of the supports there are theirs. The concert ended very late, so i didn't stayed throughout the entire concert. In fact most of the ppl left after FIR finishes their gig. I took a taxi home, and was pleased with myself for attending such an entertaining performance. That was really something that i've nvr done before, attending a mini live concert??? Ha! count me in in future if there's any. But not e ex type... Money is still an issue.That Sunday, i went to Sentosa which is an outing anticipated by my friends since the week before the common test. We seemed to be serious to the extend tt even there a 9/11 in Spore we'll still go!! Although i was disppointed that i didn't get tanned, but it was overall an unforgettable outing. Taking photos with silly poises... Ahem I really need to be " hao lian" abit. Some of them are my ideas lah ah... ... I was already high that nite, i just contributed whatever's on my mind. Maybe shld put up some photos here...Another experience that's worth commemorating is the SSO concert i went on the 03/09 at 19 30!! I've been waiting for that day for almost 2 mths. Gil Shaham was the soloist that night, he is the world famous violinist. It was also my 1st opportunity to observe how my instructor actually plays in a concert. Ya, i was really excited. The three songs that were performed on that day was Overture to Semiramide (by Gioachino Rossini), Butterfly Lovers Concerto (Chen Gang/He Zhanhao) and my fave Peter Ilyich Tchaikovsky's Violin Concerto in Dm. Op. 35. This is also the piece which i liked the most. Had alot of thoughts abt the performance, thinking of what i've learnt in music... I was really lucky to have learnt abt appreciation in music in MEP. Lan Shui is also someone worth commenting on. He was very made those pieces really expressive, no wonder he is "wanted" by so many orchestra ard the world. However, Gil's version of Butterfly's Lover Concerto is still not as convincing as Takako Nishizaki. Probably he's not an asian?? :) Hey guys, i'm really impressed that you haf the patience to reach here. Also wanna tell you that I'm beginning to be interested in Flute. Hahaha!!

SSO Gala COncert

2004-09-05T01:03:00.000+08:00

Ian Thrope

Been trying to change my template... As you can seem it's a failure. :(
But i'll try again. Today is a really packed day for me. Met 2 of my best friends to give one of them a very belated present. It was not what i wanted of course... To tell the truth i'm only beginning to feel slightly free after the attachment in Bedok Polyclinic. Seen lots of changes in my friend and i was hoping to have a chance to change too. Sometimes i'm very sick and tired of myself being myself. So at times i try to behave differently to achieve some excitement ( i'm not a having split personality ok), however i prefer myself to be someone more quiet. Most of my friends are those who keep alot to themselves and i always think that i tend to "reveal" too much of myself by talking too much. Eventually they seemed to know more abt me then vice versa. Ask yourself, each time you meet up with yr friends, do you contribute or just listen to everything he/she says? To be frank, i'd be v frustrated if u r ignorant abt certain issues and was later found out that you knew quite a deal abt it. I felt cheated. You obviously don't trust me! Absolutely no excuse for that. I have to admit that sometimes i talk cos i don't like the feeling of being too quiet with my friends. Why meet up if u don't wanna talk? Might as well just SMS or meet in MSN? I confide my friends when i'm troubled but i also realised that they don't do the same! Am I abnormal? Am I being too naive? Or they just don't trust me? That feeling despairs me. Maybe i'm too troublesome after all. After my attachment in Polyclinic, i began to have a special affection towards being a loner. How different... I used to be afraid of being lonely. Not feeling unhappy today, just that i have the strong inspiration to bring this matter up. Besides this, i'm generally very pleased with my weekends so far. Went for a gathering in my teacher's hse and also went for my 1st SSO gala concert on Friday. Definitely it's more than just an exposure for me. Hope all my sec sch mates are doing fine and looking forward to meet them again. Take Care guys! 4E1 rules!

2nd Day of Healthy Lifestyle

2004-09-01T20:58:00.000+08:00

I'm very happy today cos i've managed to start my healthy life after struggling and delaying it for so long. For the 1st time i feel that having muscleache can be so comfortable. I have to admit that watching the Olympics did help a little (Haha! not trying to beat the best time or what lah!), it spurs me to add sports into my life. A brand new start for me, maybe this sounds mad but i like to change my life alot. For ppl who knows me well, this kinda enthusiaism doesn't applies to my looks and dressing. Another reason why i was determined to start my healthy life is cos of the coming NAPHA. I'm not a guy who is worried abt the 3 mths BMT, just wanna do the very best for my last NAPHA test in my life. Last reason is abit psychotic, i was practically paranoid when i saw my HbA1c level!!!! 5.4 oh man! the upper limit is supposed to be 6.0!!!! I don't wanna die as a diabetic patient... the most horrible way to die man. Haha!
Saw a couple of photos taken on Sunday at Sentosa, i was very glad that so many photos were taken, they were hilarious! i didn't know how long i've admire them but i'm not at all bored after looking through them for the 4th time! I really have to note all these down here in my blog to remind myself that there are many happy times in my polylife despite being so stressed up by the piling work i need to do like the stupid project's draft, presentation, assignments and the scariest of all the Exams!! I know this is another "what i've done today" kinda entry. Nothing philosophical and profound. Come on, i still have my relaxing days rite? I realised some of my friend's entry are all somehow "censored" or describing the unpleasant situations they are facing indirectly, flooding the page with words of grandiloquence. I'm not going to have that here. I hope ten years later, when i look at my blog and what i see is as many blissful memories as possible because i know given my pestimisstic personality, i tend to remember all the awful experiences and will probably conclude that my life is terrible. Typing down all these happy memories will help myself into becoming a more optimisstic person, and of course a happier one too!

1st Day at Bedok Polyclinic

2004-08-27T23:02:00.000+08:00

What the!!! Kena complaint by so many ppl cos i didn't update my blog... ... Don't let me catch you not updating yours too k... Haha! My 1st day at Bedok Polyclinic isn't as bad as i thought, although the distance is abit too far but the ppl and the environment there made me feel welcome and can forget abt the long journey home for the time being. Something shocked me, the surroundings are very similar to Clementi's, shops all over and lots of hawker centres, even the staffs there, makes me think of those in Clementi. Feeling that everything is coming back to me again. I've a very stupid mistake on my 1st attempt in Phlebotomy, guess wat, i 4got to prepare my swab, nearly made a mess there. Ha, but i still managed to get a full tube lah. Didn't get scolded too. I got to get blood from a little boy today, haiz that's a failure. Throw face man. Know what? Friends out there, if you are interested in getting a new hp, visit Bedok. Every other shop there's a hp shop. M1 lah, Singtel lah, Starhub lah, private shops lah, repair shops lah, hp cover shops lah, whatever's associated to hp. Absurd man! Had a hard time allocating the polyclinic, i can't even see a signboard outside k, i had to ask ard. It's above the NTUC... =_="' Very isolated, and i used the life at the backdoor... Very eerie... Esp at this period of the year...
Well, being stubborn, i took 66 home instead of MRT. It took me one and a half hour to reach home in the end. I was so tired that i slept in the bus (which is unusual of me).
The test ytd was the only think that i'm worried abt, the way i did my MCQs and my last short-ans question... Hahaha! shld have an olympics in tt area, i'll do Singapore's proud and end their 44 yrs of agony. All i ask is to pass my test. To be really frank, this is my 1st time thinking that the test is difficult. Last time i used to use very minimal time to ponder over the qns, but ytd, i actually stopped several times for some time to force my brain cells to secrete their "sauce" out. Maybe i'll get Alzheimer's disease earlier, if not then Dermentia.
Sorry guys, if you are expecting something from my entry today, go ahead and feel disppointed and bored. I'm not feeling very interesting today. If i really had to mention something interesting, it will be my trip to SGH, the Histopathology lab. Have anyone (accept my classmates) seen a piece of Breast in the hands of a man who can expressionlessly describe it's morphology in details? Or seen a piece of fish meat-like piece if human flesh on a chopping board? Or seen packets of organs in Formalin waiting to be dissected? Don't worry, i went there for EXPOSURE only, definitely traning to be one of them. But maybe i'll see one of yours there in future... ... Hahaha! But hope not okay? Take good care of your health.

Last Day of the Swimming Event at Olympics.

2004-08-22T00:13:00.000+08:00

Guess what i'm doing now. I'm not studying at the mmt although it's common test wk. Been staying up each nite without fail just to catch my fave olympics event. Swimming. Of all times, they wanna show at 12.30am... ... I remembered TCS 5 actually took the slot out twice just to show the badminton and table tennis quarter finals, it was outraging for me... Sian man! I'm not someone who is not patriotic, i'm definitely supportive towards Singapore's dream to achieve at least an olympic medal after waiting for 44 years. But sometimes, i just prefer to see what I want rather than to see what I should... Well, i guess the only reason why i'm not as supportive as any of my other friends towards the Singapore's team is very simple. They aint Singapore aint they? I'm not trying to say anything bad but just a little bit of a selfish thinking here. It's as simple as a Vegetarian Abalone with Supreme Oyster sauce if you know what i mean. To be frank, i'm quite disppointed not to see S'pore's swimmers hahaha! In fact there are very few asian swimmers in the pool since the semi-finals except the few from Japan and China. Maybe it's the game of the Aussies and US... breaking their own records and receiving all the support from their fellow supporters and feeling the euphoria over their victory in the game. Isn't it wonderful? Being the 1st and fastest in the world. Haiz... it's something i could only envy... ...

Another day!

2004-08-17T23:45:00.000+08:00

Not everyday of my life is interesting. I must admit that i prefer to write when i'm not feeling good. So, in other words, i usually type when i'm angry or sad. Or else, the entries i enter will always be as boring as this. What to do? I'm someone who can only express myself better when i'm inspired to. Been watching the Olympics lately, probably cos i don't feel like studying... There are always temptations during studying wk. Hmmm, Ppl who know me well enough will know that i have other "motives" to watch it. But anyway, i'm just trying to make myself happy at the same time. Going to have two performances coming up for me, tml and thursday, they are graduation performances. Well, that reminds me of my violin exam. How i wish i can get my results now and get over with it. I'm not worried or something, just anxious... I'm not always a worrier k? I guess i've let things as they are now. I used to worry alot abt other things like my friends, my surroundings...etc. I worry abt them less now. Less expectations, less disappointment, more happiness, more freedom.

A slacking Saturday

2004-08-14T23:58:00.000+08:00

Today i wondered alot abt myself, things and ppl ard me. The thoughts complied in my mind and conquer my entire day. Nvr a sec i stop pondering. I saw a lizard on the wall and i spoke to it everytime i passed by it. After a few times, i asked it y didn't it want to do something else besides stoning there. I love Lizards esp Geckoes. I find it a pleasure to talk to it. After several mins, my bro told me tt a lizard was infested by ants n i need to clear it up. So it was dead all along, although it was on the wall. It sort of gave me a sign and hint to wat was troubling me. Wats on the outside is not equivalent to the inside. Disppointment. This is the word. It is associated to all aspects in my life now. Been trying to hide but it's ever existing. The more positive i'm trying to be, the more negative feedbacks i get in return. My past is pulling me back. Time and time i told myself not to fall back but i guess my soul has already surrendered against my will. I don't like wat i see, i didn't have wat i deserve and expected. Maybe i'm asking too much. But what is ard me? I'm just like an empty bottle on the shelf full of filled bottles. I may be chosen to be used, but the person who used me wasn't my owner. He's someone very far away from me. Someone unexpected. Still i'm glad to be used. At least that person find me useful. What happened to my owners?? That's where my disppointment lies and started. Today is the 14th of Aug. I began to ask myself wat have i achieved for the past one yr. I realised that i've lost alot. I have the urge to drown myself in my past once again, although i know i shldn't. It roams ard me every now and then. Haunting me every mmt of my life. Feel like taking it out but i've already kept it safe and tight. I've lost the courage to open it and close it after that. When will i ever gain that courage. Life's not complicated, it's just the absence of simplicity.

1 Day National Day.

2004-08-08T20:03:00.000+08:00

Feeling much lighter today, cos i've finished my project!!!! And i've just broke another record this morning by slping at 5.00am. Really have to thank my friends whom i had conference call with last night. Our crappy converstions helped alot in staying awake throughout the entire night and morning. Hmmm, not to scare you, we actually chat for almost 6 hours!!!!
Tomorrow i need to go back to sch for the NDP thingy again. Just like many of my friends, i'm not as ethusiastic as last yr & i really don't feel like going tml. It's more of a waste of time then an experience to gain.
Tried very hard to study for my test this afternoon, but now??? i'm online again. Hahaha!! And i intend to watch TV later on. CSI!! Been missing many episodes already... I must get my entertainment back!
Added a counter to my blog, the next thing i'm going to add is a photoblog.
But i'll take a longer time. Haiz... when will my blog look more interesting? Didn't tell many ppl abt this blog cos it's not well-established yet. No confidence to show too many ppl unless i "think" they don't mind reading my boring entires without much add-ons.
Managed to find my old entries from Diaryland... realised that my entries there sounds very different!! I'm more optimisstic here. Maybe in time to come the entries here will become more serious... ... Or maybe very soon...

It's 4.15 am now...

2004-08-07T04:05:00.000+08:00

Hi! It's 4.15am now and i'm still online sitting in front of my computer. Just managed to finish one-third of my project. Yes, 4 hours and yet only one-third. Rather slow... I've just decided to turn in but just wanna drop by to say a few words b4 i visit my dreamland. Today, i mean ytd... was a very busy day. Did the stupid Electrophoresis twice yet without good results, but it's kinda disappointed to find out that many silly mistakes were made but the process of trying to hide it from the supervisor to stay out of trouble was exciting!! I don't mind making mistakes you know, but sometimes, you just know that the mistakes you made was too absurd that you'll definitely get the worst scolding. Fret not, it's not one of those that will cause an explosion in the lab or rather, it'll probably explode yr lungs first as you burst in laughter after you know the reason. It's just too stupid. Many thanks to my bestest best friend, Sylvia for practising with me for the upcoming Violin exams next Fri. We tried duetting Canon in D, as for me, tt was my very 1st time playing it w/ a violin w/ the piano. Cos usually it's me who play the piano instead. I'm actually feeling very guilty to let her wait for me twice for an hour... ... Oh my, thinking of her reminds me of another apologetic matter. I still haven buy a present for my other best friend whose birthdate was on the... ... .. 3rd of JULY!!!!!! Haiz, always forget and can't find the time to do so. I guess being my friend must be difficult huh?? Well, that's what friends are for too right??!! Enduring each other's bad points! :)
Got to slp now, it's 4.30am already!!

'We have dulled ourselves into mediocrity with a final destination of loneliness'

2004-08-05T15:42:00.000+08:00

I'm feeling very defident about my project now.
Oh my! It's not going the way i wanted and planned it to... ...
Meanwhile i'm waitining for my electrophoresis, if it turns out well, then there's still hope in my pipetting skills. If otherwise, i really don't know how to describe my skills... ... For years i've used the stupid pipet and this is how it treats me! Haha! Although i'm quite okay on the outside now, but in fact i'm very anxious inside. Hmmm, still have another 22 mins more.
Feel like watching The Village, don't know if it'll turn out scary, can say that i'm immune to most horror movies already, and i'm beginning to prefer action and sci-fi than horror. Especially the movie i had watched the other day, The Sister, it was a Thai horror movie, it was not scary at all but still i like the settings of the movie and the atmosphere of it. Hope the directors can improve on their skills and imagination before shooting another horror movie. At the mmt, i'm still giving them a chance cos the Hungry Ghost Month is coming!!!!!!! Which means there'll be more horror movie to watch before i can really conclude that i'm immune to the tactics used by those directors.
Trying to add more live in my blog by adding "imood" inside here, haiz hope it'll appear... ...

'You just can't fully explain the universe. This explanation is what many various philosophies offer to try to explain the universe because they can't

2004-08-04T13:25:00.000+08:00

Yo!! my poor blog, have not been updating you, seems that i've neglected you.
What to do? My 2 projects, assignments, exams, tests and down in luck. Misplace a couple of impt things like my Verification Form for my violin exams... ... Really stupid. My room is in a mess, frankly the only things i do when i reach home are bathe, eat and slp. What the hell! By the time i settle down in my room it's about time to slp. I think i shld really pay my Mum like i'm staying in an inn... For the past 1 week i was not only busy, i was sick and tired. Too much things to accomplish within a short period o f time. I've not been able to do things that i enjoy, typing this is just an exception. Later i still has project to do. And i don't know what time i'll reach home. So, dear blog, i wouldn't be able to change yr outlook at the mmt. Remind as Orlando Bloom ba... Sorry for guy out there who are sick of him, Hahaha!
Hope everything will be fine after the common test cos it is when all the datelines will be over. And there'll be another new beginning!!! ^_^
Just bought Jay Chou's new album, hope i can win the Panasonic handphone, poor gal like me haf to wait for such chances to get expensive things... *=*
Oh ya! basically wat u can do at my blog is read wat i type and gave some comments, no others, i need time to "explore" and learn how to add other interesting and entertaining things here. So, sorry ah, don't expect too much!

What a day...

2004-07-16T18:32:00.000+08:00

Spent some time doing my blog today. Nothing much has changed.
Well, my cells weren't growing well again. It's another failure... Sianz. It's 6.40pm now & i'm still in NUS. Finally weekend is coming! Been waiting for this day as i can slack the entire day tml in the National Stadium. I'm not as enthusiastic abt the ushering as last yr, probably it's no longer something new to me. That's e prob with me, getting tired of things really fast. Wondering if this will also happen in future when it comes to wking life...
I've always been trying to add new things in my life to make everyday a day to look 4ward to, however the fact is, I DON'T HAVE THE TIME!!! Ppl may think tt it's an excuse but hey come on! Even when there is time 4 me, i'm already totally drained out! All i can think of doing is slping. When will i ever have the freedom to do whatever i like? It's has been like this for the past 3 yrs & i'm sick of it. Day by day i psychoed myself to be more optimistic but what's the point? I'll always get pulled down to reality. Once again i need to tell myself, tml will be a better day... (so sickening)

15-07-2004

2004-07-15T17:44:00.000+08:00

Hihihihi!!
This is my very 1st blog.
All thanks to my beloved Yinghua n Mingfen for helping me.
I'm in NUS Oncology Research Lab doing nothing. My cells just don't grow! What to do? Can only slack whole day. Hope i can have more things to do tomorrow. :)